Ranma Ichibunnoni
                          Episode Eight

                     "Sleepless in Nerima."

                           *    *    *

     The rain came down in sheets (1).  A distant bolt of lightning
briefly illuminated the Tendo dojo.  Nothing stirred.  Everyone was
fast asleep.  Three seconds later, a boom of thunder rolled through
the house.
     Ryoga sat up.  He looked around, trying to figure out where he
was.  It was dark.  Well, that was no good.  He stood up, gathering
his umbrella to him.  He took a step forward.  It was still dark.
Ryoga panicked.  Was he dead?  Had he been killed?  Was this what
the afterlife was like?
     Then another lightning bolt illuminated the Tendo living room,
and Ryoga felt his face flush furiously.  He walked over to the
wall and flipped on the light switch.  The lights came on.
Unfortunately, that didn't help him figure out where he was.  Where
the heck *was* he now?
     He tried to remember getting here.  Let's see.  He'd fought
Ranma.  Then he helped bring Ranko back to the Tendo dojo.  That
must be where he was.  But why had he been lying on a mat in their
living room?  Ryoga pondered that for about half a second (2).  It
didn't matter.  He knew where he was, and now he would kill Ranma.


(1)  This surprised the meteorologists, who were expecting it to
come down in raindrops.

(2)  This was actually far longer than most thoughts Ryoga had that
didn't involve killing Ranma or at the very least causing him some
great harm in some dark fashion.

                           *    *    *

     Ranma snored in his sleep.  He languidly rolled over on his
futon, dragging the sheets with him.  The Saotome family shared a
room upstairs, right next to Akane's room.  Ranma lay on a futon
next to the one where his father slept--in panda form.  That barely
left room for Ranko on his other side.
     The door to their room slid open silently.  Ryoga stepped
inside, an avenging angel of death.  He walked over to where Ranma
slept peacefully unaware.
     "Vengeance knows no day or night," he quoted from a source his
brain couldn't dredge up at the moment.  "Prepare to die, Ranma!"
He waited for Ranma to panic and run.  Ranma, blissfully asleep,
snored on.  Ryoga cursed silently.  He'd have to try something else
to wake up his hated foe.
     "Ranma!" he yelled.  "Wake up!  Time to die!"  He slammed his
fists down hard on Ranma's head.
     Well, that was how he had planned it.  In reality, his fists
met the mattress as Ranma rolled over in his sleep yet again.
Ryoga stared, pulled his fists out of the hole he'd made in the
futon, then tried again.  Again Ranma leisurely rolled out of the
way, scratching himself in his sleep.  Ryoga couldn't believe it.
This was the last straw.
     "RAANNMMA!!!" he shouted, aiming both fists at Ranma's chest.
"WAKE UP, DAMMIT!!"  This time, he wouldn't miss...
     If anyone had been passing outside the Tendo dojo on such a
rainy night, he would have seen a figure thrown out of the second
story window into the yard by a panda (1).  A moment later, he
would have seen another figure follow.
     Ryoga used his umbrella as a parachute, landing neatly on a
stone in the yard (2).  Ranma, still asleep, fell into the pool.
The window upstairs closed and Genma went back to sleep, having
solved the problem in the most expeditious manner (3).
     Ranma was having a strange dream.  He was at Jhusenkyou with
his father.  But Ranma knew what was going to happen this time
around.  He saw his father fall into Shonmaoniichuan, and he
smiled.  This time, pop wouldn't get him so easily.  He prepared to
hop down from his perch, when suddenly he felt the whoosh of air
around him, like he was falling, falling...and he could see the
pool below him.  But this time, Ranko didn't leap out of nowhere to
save him...she wasn't even there.  Then with a great splash he fell
into the water, desperately trying to stroke upwards, desperately
trying to avoid his fate...
     He broke the water with a gasp.  This was impossible, it
couldn't be happening.  Ranko was the one who fell in, not him!
But something tugged at him, and, against his will, he looked
down...onto a pair of breasts.  But wait!  He wasn't cursed!  It
was Ranko!  Ranko!  Where was she?  He looked around, trying to
find her, searching desperately.  Then he looked down again, into
the water.  In the watery reflection, he could see her...and she
was him.  He was in her body.  He screamed.
     Water poured into Ranma's mouth, choking him.  He sat up
sharply, shocked into wakefulness.  "AAAH!" he screamed.  Then he
looked around.  He wasn't at Jhusenkyou.  He looked down.  Still
male.  He let out a sigh of relief.  Then he saw Ryoga.
     "Ryoga!  It's the middle of the night!  What the heck are you
doing? (4)"
     Ryoga snarled at him.  "Silence, Ranma!  You got off easy
before!  Now, I'm here to finish the job!"
     Ranma closed his eyes in exasperation.  "Again?" he demanded.
"Man, Ryoga.  Would you just cut this out?  You've got nothing to
get revenge *for*!"
     Ryoga snarled again.  "I'll tell you one thing, Ranma, before
I send you to Hell.  When you ran out on our duel, I followed you--
to China!!"
     There was silence in the garden, save for the constant sound
of rain hitting the ground.
     Ranma's mouth fell open.  "Don't tell me..." he started,
"...you..."  He couldn't believe it.  "You managed to follow a
straight line for five hundred miles?  With your sense of
direction??"
     Ryoga facefaulted.  Somehow, he managed to do this without
losing his grasp on his umbrella or getting splashed with water
(5).  "NO, YOU FOOL!" shouted Ryoga.  "I followed you to
Jhusenkyou!!"
     Ranma gasped.  "You mean--you fell in a pool?" he asked,
stunned.  "And...you change into something?"
     Ryoga attacked before he could say any more.  "DIIEEE!!" he
screamed, jumping at his arch-rival with death in his eyes (6).


(1)  Anyone who actually was out there observing would probably
have attributed the sight to drinking too heavily, the most likely
reason for someone to stand outside in a hurricane at 3 o'clock in
the morning.

(2)  Note to readers:  This does not work in reality.  It is a
plot-hook which furthers the story.  Using umbrellas to slow your
fall generally works for creatures weighing about ten pounds at
most.  After that, the air resistance afforded by an umbrella has
virtually no effect--even for depleted-uranium umbrellas.  The
author takes no legal responsibility for readers who try to jump
out of buildings carrying umbrellas to slow their fall.  For that
matter, the author takes no legal responsibility for readers who
try jumping into pools of water trying to change their gender,
jumping on top of buildings as a mode of transportation, running on
top of fences, using hammers as melee weapons, eating Akane's
cooking, or, for that matter, anything at all that could possibly
be traced back to this story in a court of law.

(3)  This says something about him.  Then again, given the
opportunity, both Ranma and Ranko would have done the same to him.

(4)  Although Ranma asked it rhetorically, several immediate and
obvious answers spring to mind:
     "Gee, I dunno...trying to kill you, maybe?"
     "Oh nothing, just having a stroll in the thunderstorm.  I find
          them so relaxing.  How about you?"
     "Indulging in my secret passion for stealing panties.  And
          you?"
     "I'm not really here.  You're still dreaming."

(5)  If there's anybody reading this who can't figure out why, stop
and go read Ranma 1/2 (the real series) again.  You'll get it
eventually.

(6)  This is not a very healthy thing to do.  Keep it up, and
you'll go blind.

                           *    *    *

     Akane woke up.  She was usually a heavy sleeper, but something
outside had been making such a racket...
     Nabiki knocked on the door and walked in.  "Akane?" she asked
her younger sister.
     "Nabiki?  You're up, too?" Akane asked her.  Then Kasumi made
her appearance.
     "Akane?" asked Kasumi, "do you think it's a burglar?"  Akane
got up, grabbing a bokken.
     "It had better not be," she growled.  "Don't worry, Kasumi.
I'll take care of him."
     Nabiki frowned.  "What if it's a pervert?" she asked.
     Kasumi put her hands to her cheeks.  "Oh, my!" she exclaimed.
"I didn't think of that!  We'd better get Ranko."
     "Yeah, she *is* the resident expert on perverts," said Nabiki.
Kasumi blithely ignored her.
     Akane nodded.  "Good thinking, Kasumi.  We can marshal our
forces better if we're all together.  I'll go wake her up."  She
slipped down the hallway to the Saotomes' room.  She was surprised
to find the door already open.  They must have been woken up, too,
she thought.  Looking in, she saw only Mr. Saotome and Ranko, both
still sleeping.  She went over to Ranko.
     "Ranko-chan," she said.  "Get up!"  Nothing.  "Ranko!" she
said, a bit harshly.  "C'mon, get up!"  Ranko rolled over and
sighed, hugging her pillow.  Akane grabbed her by the shoulders and
shook her violently.  "WAKE UP, STUPID!" she shouted.  Ranko's eyes
popped open.
     "Oh...g'morning, Akane...<yawn>...is it time for school
already?  Lemme sleep in another five minutes..."  Her eyelids
began to close again.
     Akane frowned disbelievingly.  "How could you sleep through
that??" she demanded.  "He's making enough noise to wake the dead!"
     Ranko looked around, still half-asleep.  "Wha?  Who's he?" she
asked, trying to make sense of it.
     Akane let go of Ranko.  "The prowler!" she hissed.
     Ranko flopped back onto her futon.  "Oh," she murmured.
"S'nice."  She fell back asleep.
     Akane threw her hands in the air in surrender.  "I give up!"
she said, closing the door behind her as she left.  "That girl
could sleep through World War Three!"  She went downstairs where
her sisters were waiting nervously.  "She's still sleeping," she
told them.  "Don't worry.  I can handle him all by myself!"
     Just then, lightning flashed overhead, illuminating the garden
momentarily.  Akane gasped.  There really was a prowler!  Carrying
a pack, for his stolen goods!  She grabbed the nearest heavy
object--a barbell, handed to her by Kasumi--and threw it at him.
     Ranma dodged yet another attack by Ryoga as he tried to think
of a way of calming his attacker down, when suddenly Ryoga paused
in mid-air.  There was a clanging noise, possibly coming from
Ryoga's head as it was struck by a large metallic object (1).
Ryoga fell down into the rain, running through it desperately.
     "Ryoga!" cried Ranma.
     "Ryoga?" asked Akane.
     "Ryoga." said Nabiki emotionlessly, eyes half-closed.  "Why am
I not surprised."
     "Oh, it's only Ranma's friend," sighed Kasumi in relief.
     Akane shrugged.  She was too tired to care about it.  She'd
kill Ranma in the morning.  She was sure it was his fault, somehow.
And hadn't she asked him not to fight with Ryoga?  She yawned, then
shrugged again.  Her stomach growled.  She decided to stop by the
kitchen.  Opening the refrigerator door, she looked inside.


(1)  It could also have been coming from the other several dozen
metallic objects striking each other at 3 in the morning.  Not.

                           *    *    *

     Ranko's eyelids fluttered open.  Some sense told her that
something was wrong.  Well, either that or the refrigerator door
was being opened (1).  She sat up in bed and looked around.  She
noticed her brother was absent.
     "Aw, man," she yawned.  "He sure does pick the strangest times
to get a snack."  She stood up and walked out into the hallway.
     Walking towards the stairs, she paused.  Something wasn't
right.  She tried to shake off the feeling, but it persisted.  She
looked back towards Akane's room.  The door was slightly ajar, and
Ranma was gone.
     Ranko woke up completely.  It couldn't be.  But, adding up the
possibilities...she grinned, and started tip-toeing towards Akane's
room.  If she was lucky, she could catch them in the act.  She was
surprised he was acting this quickly, though.  Was it possible the
two of them had been hiding this from everyone else?  She stopped
just at the door, then suddenly burst into a blur of motion,
shoving the door aside and rushing inside.
     "GOTCHA!" she shouted.  There was a black blur and a piggish
scream of terror.  Ranko's eyes widened.  Wait, that wasn't
supposed to happen.  And where was her brother?  For that matter,
where was Akane?  Ordinarily, Ranko would have thought her brother
had picked up some deviousness from Nabiki and gone elsewhere for
his nighttime expeditions, but tonight she had something else on
her mind.  Who had screamed if it wasn't them?  Who else was in the
room with her?
     Ranko closed the door behind her, taking careful, measured
steps.  She edged her way into the room, expecting an attack at any
time.  Suddenly, it came.  Out of the corner, a black blur zoomed
at her face.  She batted it away into the wall in a reflex action.
     The little back piglet squealed and landed hard.  It stood
back, ready to pounce again.
     Ranko's heart melted as she saw it.  "Awwww..." she sighed.
"Isn't that the *cutest* little thing you've ever seen?" she asked
nobody in particular.  "Heere, piggy wiggy wiggy."  She smiled and
opened her arms.  It didn't move.  Ranko shrugged and grabbed it in
a lightning motion.  It squealed angrily.
     "Hey, stop that!" she said.  "Be quiet or you'll wake the
whole house up!  I'm just a guest here!"  For some reason, that
actually seemed to work.  The piglet shut up.  She smiled and held
it close.
     "Ugh, you're all wet," she complained.  "Oh, well.  I can fix
that."  She smiled at it.  "C'mon."  She started downstairs.
Halfway down the staircase, she paused and looked at it.  It looked
back with trepidation.  "Hey..." she said.  "You wouldn't happen to
be Akane's, would you?"  She cocked her head at it.  It cocked its
head at her.  She smiled and brought it up to her face.
     "Well, if not, you're all mine, you hear me?"  She grinned at
it.  It fainted.  She blinked in surprise.  "The poor thing.  It
must be tired!"  She continued downstairs, holding it in her arms.
"Well..." she sighed.  "On second thought...maybe I should have
Ranma give you to Akane.  I think he needs to be in her good graces
right now more than I need a pet.  Even a cute one."  She pouted,
not liking that idea one bit.  The things she'd do for her brother.
     She walked past the kitchen, where Akane was making a
sandwich.  Then she stopped.  Akane?  Sandwich?  Wait a second.
She walked back and looked inside.  "Akane?"
     Akane turned, seeing Ranko for the first time.  "Oh!  Ranko!
You're up?"  She was surprised.  "Um, I'm making myself a peanut-
butter-and-jelly sandwich.  You want one?"
     Ranko peered at the oddly coloured sandwich on Akane's plate.
"What's in it?" she asked (2).
     "What do you mean, what's in it?" demanded Akane.  "Just
peanut butter and jelly!"  She paused.  "Well, actually, we were
out of the chunky peanut butter, so I added some garbanzo beans.
And Kasumi wants the grape jelly for Tuesday's dinner, so I made
some Jell-O as a substitute.  That's almost the same thing, right?"
     Ranko stared at her.  "Garbanzo beans?  Jell-O?"
     Akane smiled.  "Oh, don't worry--I added a little cayenne to
add some flavour, so it should taste just fine.  If you want,
though, you can add some sugar to yours."
     Ranko grinned nervously.  "Uh...I think I'll pass, thanks.
I'm not really hungry."  Ranko was afraid to ask what Akane had put
in the Jell-O.
     "Oh."  Akane looked downcast.  Then she looked back up at
Ranko.  "Say, why *are* you down here, anyway?"
     Ranko shrugged.  "I thought I heard something," she admitted.
     Akane looked back at the refrigerator.  "Oh, sure," she said.
"You sleep through a fight in the middle of a hurricane, you sleep
through someone yelling at you, but you wake up when the
refrigerator door opens."  She snorted.  "With you, that actually
makes sense."
     "Hey!" Ranko replied, stung by her accusation (3).  "It's not
like that.  I was just--"  She paused.  Without anything better to
say, she fell back onto old habits and went on the warpath.  "I was
just seeing if you and Ranma were sneaking off together in the
middle of the night."
     "WHAT?" Akane demanded.  "Why would I be doing something like
that with that jerk!?"
     Ranko stuck her tongue out at her.  "Oh, so you'd rather be
doing it with someone else?  Kuno, maybe?"
     "HEY!  Oh, just--get out, and take that silly-looking pig with
you!"
     Ranko blinked in surprise.  "You don't like it?" she asked.
Without waiting for an answer, she continued quickly.  "Well, in
that case, you won't mind if I keep it, right?"
     Akane blinked.  "Why would I--"
     Ranko smiled.  "Thanks!  Bye, Akane!  Have fun with Ranma-kun!
Oh, and next time you two want to fool around, don't make so much
noise."  She slipped out before Akane could respond.
     Ranma walked into the kitchen, dripping wet.  He'd finally
given up on his search for Ryoga.  Stubborn idiot.  See if he cared
if he caught his death of cold.  Ranma was *not* in a good mood.
Unfortunately for him, neither was Akane.  She spun on him angrily.
     "You--you--!!" she accused.
     "Hey!" he said, displeased, "I didn't do nothin' this time!
Man, you are *so* uncute."
     Genma woke up again as he heard a scream from downstairs.  He
rolled over and went back to sleep.


(1)  All three of the Saotomes shared the same voracious appetites
and the same small and unsteady sources of income.  Having Genma as
your father teaches you several unique survival skills, one of
which is the ability to detect the warning signs of food about to
be eaten.

(2)  This would normally be considered a redundant question, but
we're talking about Akane's cooking here.

(3)  Especially because it was true.  See point #1.

                           *    *    *

     Ranko looked behind her.  Was that Ranma who had screamed?  A
few moments later Ranma staggered out of the kitchen into the hall.
Ranko took one look at him and started giggling.  He was dripping
wet, bruised and had a look of such complete bafflement mixed with
annoyance that she couldn't help herself.
     He turned to her.  "Oh, ha-ha yourself.  What's so funny?"
She started laughing harder.  Even the little black piglet was
laughing.
     Ranma looked at it in some surprise.  "Hey, what's that?" he
asked her.
     She bit her tongue and stopped laughing.  "It's a little
piggy!  Isn't it adorable?"  She held it out for him to hold.  He
didn't seem to understand and just stood there like a stone.  She
sighed and hugged it close to her bosom again.  It blushed.
     "Where'd you find it?" he asked her.
     "In Akane's room," she replied.
     That just confused him even more.  "Errr, so what's its name?"
he asked, trying to find something that made sense.  Ranko went
blank.  She *didn't* have a name for it.  What was she going to
call it?  She thought about that, looking at it closely.  It was
squealing and struggling, like it wanted to kill Ranma.  She nearly
started giggling at the thought of the piglet fighting her brother.
     "Hmm," she thought out loud.  "I dunno.  I could call it 'Mr.
Soichiro'..."
     Ranma looked disgusted.  "Man, where do you get such stupid
names from?  Only a complete moron would call a pet something like
that."
     "Oh yeah?  D'you have any better ideas?" she demanded.  That
took him aback, but he rallied gamely to the question.
     "Sure!  You can call him 'Breakfast'!"  The black piglet
squealed in anger, lashing out at Ranma, who stood safely away from
it.  "You know," he said, "I don't think it likes me."
     Ranko giggled again.  Then her face lit up.  "That's it!" she
cried, unconsciously hugging the piglet closer.  It fell silent,
smothered against her pyjama-covered chest.  Ranma noticed its
cheeks were now a rosy red.
     "What's it?" he asked her, confused.
     "I'll call him 'Ryo-chan!'" she exclaimed.
     "Ryo-chan?"  Ranma tried on the name for size.
     Ranko smiled.  "Sure!  Ryo for Ryoga, and -chan for cute!"
The newly-christened 'Ryo-chan' turned a deathly white.
     Ranma put a hand to his forehead.  "Run that by me again?" he
asked her.  His tone made it clear he thought his sister had been
splashed by cold water again.
     "Well, it seems to hate you, just like Ryoga," she explained.
"And, just like him, it can be a pain, but it's *really* cute."
She held the piglet up close to her face.  "Aren't you, my widdle
Ryo-chan?"  She kissed him.  The piglet's eyes went wide and it
stopped struggling.
     "Man," said Ranma, shaking his head.  "You sound like you've
fallen for him--Ryoga, I mean, not the pig.  You that hard up, Sis?
Maybe I can get you a date with somebody at school."  Ranko put a
fist in his face and sniffed disdainfully.  Ranma grinned.  Neither
twin noticed the piglet's eyes grow wider still, if that was
possible.
     "For your information Ranma, *I* can choose who I want to go
out with.  Maybe I *will* go out with him.  Hmph!"  Ranko was angry
at not having a ready insult for her brother.  Usually she came out
the winner in these little games, but tonight she wasn't in top
form.  Ryo-chan's eyes just got wider, until they seemed like
they'd explode.
     "Low blow," complained her brother with a groan.  "But still--
you gotta admit, that Ryoga is a real loser."  Ryo-chan squealed in
anger.
     Ranko's eyes glittered.  She never refused a challenge, and
anything her brother said to her in private was a challenge.  She
immediately acted innocent.  "You know, Ranma," she commented
thoughtfully, "you might be underestimating Ryoga.  I mean--he *is*
a little obsessed, and the word subtlety doesn't seem to be in his
vocabulary, but you have to admit, he's a good martial artist.  And
he's strong, one of the strongest people I've seen--no, scratch
that, definitely the strongest person I've seen--and he's got a
good head on his shoulders."
     Ranma raised an eyebrow.  Ranko cocked her head, as if she'd
said too much.  There was a difference between antagonistic and
stupid, after all.  "Well," she amended, "sometimes, anyway.  I
mean, most of the time he's pretty smart."
     "Like the time he tried to kill me for getting ahead of him in
line back in high school?" asked Ranma.
     "Well, when he's not blinded by rage, then." added Ranko.
     "How about the time he followed Natsumi around for a week
because she said 'hi' to him?"
     "Or love," said Ranko.
     "And the time Tamawara-sensei found him locked in the gym over
the weekend and he tried to eat the soccer ball?"
     "Or hunger," said Ranko irritably.  She quickly spoke up again
before Ranma could open his mouth.  "Or hate, or envy, or the air
in front of him.  But he *is* a good martial artist, not to mention
incredibly strong.  You should treat him more seriously or you're
gonna get hurt," she warned.
     Ranma absently realized she'd stopped talking.  "Huh?  Oh,
sure, sure, Sis.  No problem."  That was his usual response, in
private, anyway.  Neither really fought, ever--not over petty
things, at least.  They just punched and kicked and called each
other names.
     Ranko sighed, exasperated.  "I mean it!"
     Ranma grinned.  "You just think he's a hunk.  You didn't even
meet the guy before he tried to kill me!"
     Ranko blushed crimson.  "N-no, I--"
     Ranma saw her face and laughed.  "You *do* think he's a hunk!
Admit it!"  Seconds passed, and Ryo-chan's eyes got wide as she
failed to respond.
     "Okay, okay!" she said at last, angry at her brother.  "He's
cute!  Are you satisfied?  But he's not a hunk!  Hmph."  She turned
away from her brother.  "And that *doesn't* mean I like him!!"
     Ranma grinned.  He had found something else to tease his
sister about.  Heck, with luck he'd be able to tease her all year
long, assuming the dork stayed around that long.  He reached around
her and picked up the piglet with one hand, taking it out of his
sister's unresisting grasp.  He turned it around and peeked.  "Hey,
look--he's a male!" he said.  The piglet squealed again and started
flailing its little legs at him.  "OW!  Hey!  OW!  Stop that,
stupid!"
     Ranko turned and looked up at it.  She blushed.  "Oh!  You're
right!" she exclaimed.  The piglet started squealing louder.
"Well, that makes it a clincher.  Ryo-chan it is."
     Ranma tossed the piglet back to his sister.  It immediately
quieted down.  "Geez, you know I think that pig's developing a
crush on you, Sis.  You better be careful or it might steal you
away from Ryoga," he teased her.  Ranko stuck out her tongue at
him.
     "Well, Ryoga will just have to suffer."
     "Oh?" asked Ranma.  "Why's that?"
     Ranko grinned evilly.  "'Cause I'm gonna go have a bath with
little Ryo-chan."  Ryo-chan fainted dead away, blood streaming from
his nose.
     Ranma shook his head in mock disgust.  "Yuck.  That's too
weird, even for you."
     Ranko grinned.  "You wanna come, too?  You're soaked to the
skin!"
     Ranma looked a little uneasy at that.  "Not tonight, Sis.
Akane nearly tried to kill me when she found out we share our
baths.  And I hafta be nice to her."
     Ranko frowned.  "I don't see why she has a problem with it.
I mean, she has baths with *her* sisters, after all.  And it saves
hot water."
     Ranma grinned.  "I think it's a little different here in
Tokyo, Sis...(1)" he commented wryly.  "Besides, who wants to take
a bath with a pig?"  He shook his head playfully.  "Nah, you go on
ahead with your little 'Ryo-chan'.  I'll have one in the morning."
     Ranko smiled as she kicked him.


(1)  From what I understand, Nerima is actually a ward or district
of greater Tokyo.  This makes it similar--but smaller--to Yokohama.
The two cities are distinct and separate only legally, as the older
cities grew until they were touching each other.  Thus, Nerima is
actually quite close to Tokyo.  One can think of it as Greater or
Metropolitan Tokyo.  And on a related note, in parts of rural Japan
entire families still bathe together (Source: _Learning to Bow_,
Bruce Feilier), and a number of hot springs exist that have only
one bathing area for both sexes (Source: _Dave Barry Does Japan_,
Dave Barry).  However, this kind of intermixing has since died out
in the urban parts of Japan, to be replaced by segregated (but
still group) bathing.

                           *    *    *

     Ranko carried the unconscious Ryo-chan downstairs.  The piglet
woke up suddenly and started squirming in her hands.  Surprised,
Ranko adjusted her grip on him.
     She started laughing.  "Oh, Ryo-chan," she giggled, "please
don't squirm so much.  That tickles!"  The piglet realized exactly
*where* he was tickling her and stopped, frozen completely stiff.
Ranko looked down at where he was nestled in her bosom and found
he'd fainted again.
     "Oh," she said.  "Maybe I should take him into Dr. Tofu's.  I
hope he's not sick."
     She carefully looked for the occupied sign before going
inside.  For once, all was calm and nobody occupied the bath (1).
     Ranko stepped in and closed the door behind her.  Ryo-chan
came to life in her arms again, and she carefully set him down on
the dresser.
     "Okay, Ryo-chan," she said cheerfully.  "You stay there and
behave, 'kay?  I've just gotta undress first."  He fainted again.
     Ranko rushed to grab him before he fell off the dresser.  She
held him up for inspection.  She was getting more than a little
worried about him, now, fainting all the time.  Upon careful
inspection, she found a large bump on his head.  Ranko sucked in
her breath angrily.  She had no tolerance for people who abused
small, defenceless animals.  She promised herself she'd have more
than a stern talking-to with the previous owner of Ryo-chan--if she
ever found out who that was.
     She splashed Ryo-chan with cold water, careful not to get any
on herself.  He dazedly woke up.  She looked at him concernedly.
"Ryo-chan?" she asked.  He looked up and squealed again.  She
smiled tentatively.  "Oh, good.  I was getting worried."  She
thought of something.  "Are you afraid of heights?  Is that it?"
The piglet adamantly shook his head.
     Ranko smiled.  "Well then, I'll just put you down on the floor
so you won't be afraid.  You're just a baby, aren't you?"  Ryo-chan
sighed a little piggy sigh as he let himself be lowered down to the
floor.  Ranko smiled.  "Now be a good boy and don't faint, okay?"
     Ranko reached down to pull off her pyjama top.  Before she
could even begin, however, Ryo-chan squealed and ran towards the
still-closed door.  He ran into a bucket of cold water, which fell
over, dousing the floor.  Ranko screamed and jumped on top of
another bucket, barely dodging the liquid.  Ryo-chan looked up at
her, confused.
     Ranko shivered.  That had been close.  She picked up Ryo-chan
and lifted him next to her face.  "Ryo-chan," she said earnestly.
"Please, *please* don't do that."  He gave a little squeal of
confusion.  She hopped over to a dry area of floor and set him
down.
     She sighed.  "I know, you don't understand.  You're just a
little piggy."  She smiled sadly.  "Maybe life would be simpler if
I was a pig."  She frowned.  "What am I saying?"  She put a hand to
her head.  "I need a break.  But the damned curse doesn't ever
stop, does it?  Or even slow down, for that matter.  I can't afford
to take a break."  She sighed again, frustrated.
     Then she remembered Ryo-chan, and looked back up at him.  He
was regarding her with an oddly human look of sympathy.  She smiled
at him.  She was imagining too much if she saw sympathy in his
little eyes.  Maybe she needed a break.  "But you don't understand,
do you Ryo-chan?  Jhusenkyou doesn't mean anything to you!"  Ryo-
chan started squealing his head off, nodding his head vigorously up
and down.
     Ranko laughed.  "Oh, Ryo-chan, you're almost human sometimes!
Well then, you better not look at me in the bath, y'hear?"  She
grinned at him.  He fainted.  She sighed.
     Ranko got undressed and started filling the bath with hot
water.  Then she went back in and grabbed a bar of soap with one
hand and Ryo-chan with the other.  She glanced over at the steaming
water and decided against it; if she had to endure the pain of dry
scrubbing, so would he.
     Ryoga woke up with an indignant shove, feeling a layer of skin
stripped off with the soap.  He squealed in pain and opened his
eyes.  They widened for a split second until blood burst out of his
nostril and he fainted again.
     Ranko waited patiently as the bath filled up, humming
cheerfully to herself.  She set Ryo-chan down beside her and
started scrubbing herself with the soap, carefully avoiding the
nearby water.  Her skin started to turn red underneath the thin
film of soap left on it and she winced in pain.  Then she turned to
the unconscious piglet and started scrubbing him, too.
     Ryo-chan woke up again feeling like he was being shoved in
three directions at once.  His eyes started to flutter open, but he
quickly squeezed them completely shut in horrid realization of what
he'd seen.  There!  That was the perfect solution!  Now, why hadn't
he thought of that before?
     Ranko smiled.  Ah, he was awake again.  She could feel him
moving.  She lifted him up.  "Okay, Ryo-chan.  I'm gonna give you
your bath now," she said to him.
     Ryo-chan froze.  Oh, no.  How had he forgotten about that?  He
felt himself being lifted into the air.  He started struggling with
all his might, but it was too late.  If only his eyes had been
open--but no, he couldn't have, or he'd have seen--wait--oh no--it
was too late--
     Ranko thrust the piglet down towards the hot water of the
bath.


(1)  This could have something to do with the fact that this all
was taking place at around 3 am.

                      End of Episode Eight