Iris

Kunou Tatewaki had failed. Utterly failed.

The young man sat on the hospital bed, his mind lost... and found. He didn't have the security of his kendo skills to comfort him, nor the proud tradition of samurai blood; here he was just another patient, another nutcase. Revulsion filled him at some of the people around him; some had lost touch with reality long ago, and the rest... well, they had their own problems. He had been cast with the outcasts, to wallow until he had purged himself of his demons.

Still, he thought to himself, this had been inevitable. How long had he hidden behind warrior's dreams and vanished lives? How long could he hold back the pain, hold back the tears... hold back himself? He'd fought the good fight, but it was a fight he could not win. Perhaps here, on a different battlefield, he could find his peace. He had done well so far; two months ago, he couldn't even mention his mother's past existence without crying. Now he was almost normal - almost.

A flash of red caught his eye, and he turned to the open door. A woman of rare beauty walked past, her scarlet hair unbound, her eyes cast to the floor like a newly-taken bride. Bandages covered her supple wrists, and two burly guards kept a 'don't try anything' look over her.

He rose up from the bed, passion overwhelming him. Somehow, his angel had come to him in his hour of need, to comfort him in his infirmity! He walked out the door, calling for her with the only name he knew.

"Pigtailed girl! Wait!"

The woman stopped, though did not turn around. "Kunou, let me be." In a softer voice, she added, "Let me die."

For once, Kunou was struck speechless. The pigtailed goddess... wished to die? That would explain the bandages on her arms... but why? His oration could find no witty riposte to her simple words.

"What... why?"

"Because... my life is already over. Good bye, Kunou." She continued walking down the hall, her steps slow and lethargic. He moved to follow, but found a glare from an orderly holding him at bay.

"Wait! Please... at least tell me your name."

Of her own accord, the woman turned around. The fiery glare to her blue eyes was back, at least for a moment. "It's Ranma. Saotome Ranma. And don't you *ever* forget it." She continued her trek down the hall, her steps with more purpose.

Kunou moved back into his cell, his mind spinning. Something was definitely wrong with the world, and it was up to him to make it right. Somehow, the mighty had been brought low, with disastrous results. He didn't know how (not yet, anyway), but he resolved with what life remained in him to find out.

*********************************************************************

"I understand that one of the other guests... disturbed you, Ranma."

Ranma scraped a fingernail along the leather couch. "Yeah... I guess you could say that, Doc."

The doctor's voice remained impassive. "Why did this young man disturb you? Was it because he had something you didn't?"

Ranma growled for a moment, but kept her cool. If she lost her temper here, in front of him, then she lost. "No, Doc. He... was a sempai at my old school."

The doctor's voice purred softly. "How would you describe your relationship with him?"

Ranma sighed. "Out of everyone at the entire school, he's the only one who never figured out about my curse. He... was attracted to my girl-side."

"And what sort of advances did he make toward you?"

Bile rose in Ranma's throat. "He... he sent me roses, hugged me, occasionally felt me up..."

"And this made you feel uncomfortable."

"Whaddaya think? Have someone fondle *your* breasts, and see how you feel!"

The doctor chuckled. "As much as I would find it a learning experience, no, thank you." He shifted positions in his chair. "And now? How do you feel about the young man?"

"I hate him."

"Why?"

Ranma closed her eyes, trying to grab something beyond her reach. "He... he helped take my manhood away. Every touch, every advance... that was one less moment that I had to feel like a man."

"And now you have none."

"And now I have none," Ranma repeated.

The psychiatrist looked downward at his notes, then at his watch. "Ranma, I... I think that at some point you should talk to this sempai of yours."

"Talk to him? Why should I?"

"Because you have a lot of ghosts that need to be put to rest."

"Like my manhood?" Ranma spat.

"Nothing so drastic, Ranma." The psychiatrist put down his notes. "You will always be a man inside, at least partially. However, this man apparently violated that part of you without realizing. I think it would be best if you talked to him, and told him - CALMLY - how it made you feel."

Ranma snorted. "Kunou'll never listen. I changed once while being glomped by him, and he still didn't figure it out."

"Don't hold that against him. No offense, Ranma, but your... curse... is somewhat difficult to believe. I wouldn't have believed it myself if your friend Mr. Hibiki hadn't demonstrated."

A bitter chuckle came from Ranma's throat. "Ryouga... bastard..."

The doctor closed his eyes. "I... I'm sorry, Ranma."

In response, Ranma took a deep breath, seeming to swallow her emotions in the process. "It's all right, Doc. I'm... I'm okay. It was bound to happen, I guess." She sprang up, and walked to the door. "Okay, Doc. I'll talk to him - when I'm ready."

The doctor smiled. "I wouldn't want it any sooner, Ranma."

*********************************************************************

Kunou lay in his bed, his eyes cast to the darkened ceiling. The blank slate was his artist's canvas now; left to hermit, thoughts on his past came to visit him in the night. Each night, his mind treated him to something he'd forgotten... or would rather forget.

Tonight, though, the memories were relatively pleasant ones. The water came down to rush to him, sending his body twisting in the cold. Undaunted, he chased his prey, the cur who would *dare* take his Akane away from him. Seeking to keep the coward from escaping, he grabbed at his shirt, making sure to keep him at arm's reach. He certainly never expected to grab a handful of breast, nor did he ever imagine the visage of scarlet that would haunt his dreams for years to come. More pictures came... a moment in the soccer fields... the moment where he embraced her, told her of his affections, only to have... to have what?

One of the advantages of his time here was that he was seeing the world through eyes that, if not clear, were at least less clouded. Saotome Ranma had always had an aura of magic around him; luck seemed to follow him, sticking to him like a cancer. For the first time, though, things were there, begging to be connected... connected... Of particular interest was the moment where his love disappeared, just before Saotome... bested him. She had been in his arms, he could feel every curve of her body... then...

Kunou sat bolt upright in bed. Something was very wrong with the pigtailed woman he'd fallen in love with. He stared at his arms, his body remembering the shifting, the *molding* of flesh... the change from the pigtailed girl to Ranma?

He shook his head. Something impossible was happening with this, something he could not explain. However, there was one person who knew how to fix the dilemma. Indeed, the doctor had said as much in his cryptic words.

Relaxing somewhat to gather his strength, Kunou moved back to bed, his eyes painting glorious pictures on the walls.

*********************************************************************

Ranma flexed the muscles in her hand, staring at them with a bored frustration.

Truth to tell, of all of the changes she'd gone through, she despised her hands the most. To put it simply, they *felt* changed, more so than any other part of herself. They were slim, elegant, refined, a paragon of feminine beauty - an ideal which she despised. These hands were not meant for hard, strong work; they were made for more delicate tasks, such as cooking and sewing. The things attached to her were some other person's hands, weak, frail things... not the hardened, calloused workhorses she preferred. And, more than any other part of her change, they locked her in her present life.

Sighing, she closed her eyes, turning her sight away from her hands, choosing to feel them move rather than see. She moved into position to begin the kata; her breathing evened out as she settled in. Purposely ignoring some of the more alien sensations through her body, she began to move, her body weaving through the fighting dance with a skill well beyond her years. In moments, she was gone, lost in the only haven she had left - her art.

As her body danced, she dreamed of better times, days when she had what could be called 'friends'. True, many of them just wanted her for one thing or another... but they still treated her well all the same. Ucchan was good to talk to; Ryouga, if angry, was still a good sparring partner; even Kodachi provided her with some entertainment back then.

Until the bachelor party.

Until the pain, worse than anything he'd ever heard about from a hangover.

Until... until the last moment, two weeks later, after he'd shared an intimate moment with Akane... and...

Screwing her eyes shut, she tried to force herself back to the exercise. Artist's precision gave way, though, as anger filled the clear heart she'd tried to build for her exercises. Grace disappeared from her movements; power, raw power, enough power to shatter stars, pleaded for release, begging for her to right the wrongs done to her... to wipe all clean.

She finished the exercise, and stopped at the applause around her. The other inmates stood a safe distance away, ringing around her performance. Most were clapping; some let out amazed breaths.

Fools. They didn't know a poorly-executed kata when they saw one. She opened her eyes, and turned to face the crowd.

Comments came, questions as to how she performed that, requests to teach them... she didn't want to hear any of it. She tried to wave them off with a gentle hand; when that didn't work, she leapt over them. She ran into the hospital as fast as she could, and sprinted down the hall and to her door. She waited for her heart to calm down, then relaxed on the bed.

The knock came to her door a minute later.

"Ranma? may I come in?"

She groaned. Of all the people who noticed her actions, it had to be him.

"Sure. Come on in, Doc."

The doctor, truth to tell, was everything she wasn't, and never wanted to be. He was like Gosunkugi, only older, fatter, and with less hair. She looked at his hands, and sighed.

"Ranma... why did you run away?"

Ranma swallowed, tasting the dust in the air. "Because... there were too many to deal with at the time."

The doctor raised an eyebrow - another thing she hated about him. "Is that all?"

She fought hard; she was sorely tempted to break the first rule with him - lying. "No, it's not. My art... it's a private affair now."

"Really? Why?"

She shook her head. "Because right now I can't perform it. I... what you saw was good, but it wasn't martial arts."

"It certainly looked like it to me," the doctor quipped.

"That's because you weren't looking closely," Ranma replied, a touch of venom in her voice. "The Art comes when I am calm, at peace - and I haven't been that in a long time. When I can perform the kata without losing my cool, then I will be ready to leave here."

The doctor smiled, and wrote some words in his notebook. "So it's a form of meditation for you."

She smiled. For the first time since she'd arrived, one of the psychiatrists actually said something right. "Exactly. It's a... communion, with body, mind, and soul moving together in harmony. Problem is, ever since my body moved out..."

To his credit, the doctor nodded without speaking. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Ranma - about this as well as other things. Thank you for your time."

"Thank you," Ranma whispered, then relaxed. Her nerves were shot; it was time for a nap.

*********************************************************************

He saw her again a few days later, in the courtyard of the hospital.

This time, she looked a little more confident, if still depressed. Then again, if what his suspicions were telling him were true, she had good reason to be down. Ghostlike were her steps through the blades of grass, and funereal was her mood among the other ghosts of the hospital. She walked over to the flowers, feeling each bloom in her dainty fingertips, her eyes never going beyond the colorful bed.

"Will you tell me your tale, Saotome Ranma?"

The woman looked back at him, her hands stilled around a sunflower. He could see the flicker of emotions pass in her eyes - revulsion, anger, sadness... despair. "Why do you want to know, Kunou?"

For once, the young man floundered for words. "Um... well... the doctors said that I... might be able to get past some of my problems if I did." His eyes never left her form. "Also... I have questions that I must have answers to - if I am to leave this place, that is."

Ranma snorted - almost like a chuckle, but not quite. "They... told me similar things. That I should talk to you about some of the things that happened." She played with the petals in her hands. "What do you want to know?"

Kunou nodded evenly. "Who are you? Are you Ranma... or someone who has taken his name?"

Ranma winced. "I... I *was* Saotome Ranma."

Kunou blinked, his eyes analyzing every inch of her frame. "Pardon me if I intrude, but... how?"

He could see the frustration in her eyes. The hands clenched around the flower. "You always called me a 'vile sorcerer', correct?"

Kunou hedged for a moment. "Well... your male form, anyway."

"I am no sorcerer, Kunou, nor was I ever a sorcerer. I am a victim of magic, not a master of it." Ranma crushed the flower in her hands. "During my travels, my father and I traveled to a magical place known as Jusenkyo. There, I was cursed to take this form whenever cold water splashed me."

Her grip tightened around the flower's remains, grinding it into a pulp. "I was so close, Kunou... I thought I had everything. The wedding was in two days... someone poisoned me. Dunno who; we think either Cologne or Happousai, since neither one has been seen since then. It... caused my curse to go haywire."

Kunou nodded sagely. "So... your curse is now a permanent affliction."

"Yeah," Ranma whispered. She let the petals fall to the ground, then turned back to him. "So why are you here?"

Kunou winced. He didn't want to explain why. "Well... I had a nervous breakdown, along with... some other problems."

Ranma smiled weakly. "Fair enough; nobody wants to talk about their problems here." She looked around at the other residents. "You'd think that, considering we all have problems, that we'd at least talk about it with each other."

"Well, would you want the other inmates to know about your past?" Kunou tried to smile for her. After all, she needed as much cheering up as possible.

To his credit, it worked. She seemed to chuckle at the idea. "No.

I don't want to make them any worse than they already are." She looked over to the entrance. "It looks like they're 'inviting' us in, Kunou."

The young man looked back at the entrance, and the orderlies herding the others in like cattle. He needed to act - and quickly. "Ranma, do you mind if we talk here tomorrow? It is frighteningly lonely in this place, and a friendly face is something beyond value here."

Ranma smiled as the orderlies came up to her. She waited for a long second, her eyes seeming to gaze into every fiber of his being, then nodded. "Okay, Kunou. Besides, there's a few things that I need to talk to you about."

Kunou tried to get a reply out, but found guards in his way. Sighing, he turned away and to the exit, his eyes on the redheaded girl as much as possible.

*********************************************************************

Ranma hated cafeteria food.

Truth to tell, there were a lot of things she hated about the funny farm - or, as the doctors liked to call it, 'behavioral hospital'. She didn't like the way the orderlies watched her like a babysitter, and their nervous looks when she started a kata in the courtyard. She didn't like the doctors with their smarmy looks and condescending tones and nosy questions that she had to answer. She didn't like the other patients; most of them were downright *crazy*, and it scared her. She didn't like the hospital rooms, the lack of freedom, the medications, the loneliness... but, at the moment, she hated the food the most.

She... she wasn't sure if she wanted to end her life anymore. When she... when she had tried to kill herself, she'd been in a very bad way. She'd just seen all of her dreams shatter like glass for all time, and she acted in the only way she knew. She was starting to come down from the cold euphoria of blood loss; the pleasant, scary feeling of letting go had faded into deep memory.

Unfortunately, the food they gave her looked like they weren't giving her a choice. The gruel they served for rice made Akane's old cooking look good. And she didn't *want* to know what the mystery meat given to her was. If it weren't for the insistent growling coming from her stomach, she'd have starved by now.

"Good morning, Ranma. Do you mind if I join you?"

She sighed. Perhaps misery did love company. "Sure, Kunou. Take a load off."

She picked at the food with her chopsticks. At least it wasn't still alive... she hoped. "Kunou... there's some things that I need to talk to you about."

Kunou nodded. "Go on."

"Did you honestly not know that Saotome Ranma and your 'pigtailed girl' were the same person?"

Kunou frowned. "At... at some deep level, I might have. I lived in my fantasies then; I didn't want to know the truth." He shrugged. "I'm sorry I can't answer more precisely."

She tried to take a bite of the meat; it slid down her throat too easily, and left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. "Okay. There's some things that I have to tell you. Please don't take this the wrong way; I'm sure you're okay now, but then..."

Kunou nodded, ever the gracious guest. "Go on, Ranma."

Ranma put her chopsticks down, and took a deep breath. "When you... made advances at me, I... god, how do I put this... it made me feel uncomfortable. I... do you know what it's like to have another guy make passes at you?"

"I have not had that... experience." Kunou picked up his food and began eating, oblivious to its noxious taste.

"Anyway, please, now that you know..." Ranma's attention slid away from her speech as Kunou continued eating. He was shoveling the gruel down as though nothing was wrong... as though it was actually edible. "... How are you eating that stuff, anyway?"

Kunou snorted. "I ate my sister's cooking for nearly a decade. I have developed an immunity to most poisons as a result."

Ranma couldn't help but giggle. "I dunno, Kunou... I had to put up with Akane's cooking creations for awhile, and I'm *still* not used to this stuff." The two laughed for a moment, a laughter that descended onto tense silence.

Kunou finished his meal, then stared out at the other patients.

"You still love her, don't you?" It wasn't stated as a question.

Ranma closed her eyes. "For all time, Kunou - for all time."

She opened her eyes... to find Kunou's eyes filled with tears. "I sympathize with you, Ranma. I... I dreamed of a woman who would be my equal, a warrior maid with beauty and fire all in one package. I lived lifetimes in my dreams, years with you or Akane at my side, my partner in war, in peace... in love. I... I still love your fantasy, and it is... painful to let go of that fantasy."

Ranma shuddered at the frank comments, but kept her cool. "It always hurts to let go of your dreams," she blurted. She desperately thought of a way to change the topic.

"So... how are your sessions going?"

Kunou shook his head - a frustration she shared with him. "Slowly. I fear I may be in here a long time." He took a long sip of his water. "They are going to experiment with certain drugs to help with... some problems; however, I have the feeling that it will not help." He put down his glass. "And you?"

She shrugged. "Good question. I... I'm better than I used to be - unfortunately, I don't know if I'll ever be where I was again." Her fists clenched; she could *feel* the frustration building in her fingers. "I... I had everything, Kunou. I had Akane, I had a good future... and someone took it all away. They don't even have the decency to face me about it." She shook her head. "I *know* it wasn't a dream, but everyone keeps asking me to act as though it never happened, and I... I just can't do that." Her fist hit the table softly, as hard as she dared with orderlies nearby.

"Then don't. Remember it, cherish it... but go on." Kunou ate the last of his food, then grimaced. "We... can't change the past, Ranma. We can only change the future."

Ranma swallowed another bite of her food. She didn't even taste the morsel; it hurt too much just to swallow. "I know, Kunou. I know." She knew she wasn't going to eat any more, so she picked up her tray. "See you later, Kunou."

He nodded. "Same time and place?"

She tried to smile for him - a pathetic effort, to tell the truth. "Yeah. Same time and place."

*********************************************************************

Ranma slowly wiped the sweat off of her brow, enjoying the ache in her muscles. Her workout had been intense; she didn't care about style for once, and went all-out to test herself. She'd annoyed the orderlies on at least one occasion, as she moved into the intense section of her workout; fortunately, they'd given her some leeway on her workouts, and allowed her to continue.

It had been too long, she thought. A martial artist's path meant stretching the body's limitations to its extreme, letting no force outside of nature's hand impede that progress. She'd lived by that ideal ever since she was little; she'd forgotten it in the past year, though, due to real-life intrusions.

Of course, she'd forgotten a lot in the past year.v

Not allowing herself to get mixed up in that train of thought, she rose to a sitting position. They were starting to urge everyone in for supper; not urgently, but enough to let her know she didn't have much time left. She was about to get to her feet, when she felt a hand brush against her shoulder.

"Very impressive, Ranma. I can see why you beat me so handily in our early matches."

Ranma accepted the hand, and eased up to her feet. "Well... kendo techniques have some advantages, but also some serious disadvantages as well. The key is to exploit those disadvantages."

Kunou raised an eyebrow. "What disadvantages?"

Ranma smiled. "For one, your number of methods of attack is seriously reduced. You can slash, bash, or stab; there isn't much alternative to that. Also, the use of two hands for one weapon, while giving you added control and reach, is seriously inefficient. Overall, it's good for other kendoists, sword-wielders, and less-versatile schools of grappling; however, it's at a serious disadvantage to anyone who wields two single-handed weapons or is good at barehanded combat."

"Interesting analysis." He smiled, and gestured toward the door. "Care to dine?"

She grimaced, then felt a gentle rumbling below. "I... I guess. I'm so hungry that I might actually enjoy their food." The two entered the hospital together, their movements watched by the orderlies, and headed toward the cafeteria.

Ranma sighed. The cafeteria food wasn't that bad... once you realized what it was for. It gave a balanced meal to an army of two hundred; nothing more, nothing less. It didn't try to be tasty or fancy; it just gave the basics.

A lot like the hospital, really... She sighed at the food offered her, then sat down at one of the tables. She paused for a moment at what was about to enter her mouth before biting into it.

"So... are your relatives coming this Saturday?" Kunou sat down next to her, and began eating.

"Um... yeah. From what I heard, Kasumi and my mom are coming over." Ranma took another bite of the food, purposely ignoring the taste. "How about you?"

Kunou sighed. "My family cares not for my fate. The last I heard before coming here was that my sister was in China seeking you out, and my father was unchanged."

Ranma closed her eyes. Something unpleasant was coming up... and it wasn't the food. "I... don't know which is worse."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed, and pushed the food away for a moment. "A... My family life was never very stable. When I was three years old, my father took me away on a training trip. Every moment for the next decade was spent in constant perfection of my form, to mold me into a martial artist. I didn't have a father... I had a drill instructor."

Her fingers rubbed gently against the table. "When... I finally met my mother, I found that she *wanted* to be a mother to me, someone I could talk to and seek guidance from. Unfortunately... I found that she could be a little..."

"Crazy?" Kunou supplied.

Ranma couldn't help but chuckle. "Overbearing was what I was thinking of. She was very strict about how I treated others, and about how I lived my life. It helped me out in some ways; it allowed me to finally resolve the fiancee problem. Unfortunately..."

"Unfortunately?"

"She doesn't know what to do with me anymore." She took a sip of her water. "After I got back from searching for a cure, her behavior was... well... erratic. She'd take me shopping for clothes, then quit altogether when I only wanted certain styles. She still wanted me to get together with Akane, and would ask me why I wasn't trying harder to keep the relationship together."

Kunou smiled. "So which is better? A crazy family who doesn't care, or a crazy family who cares?"

Ranma snorted. "Good question, Kunou." She continued eating her food, and talked while eating at the same time. "Y'know, Kunou..."

"Yes?"

Her eyes smiled. "You could join us, if you like. I... I'll be honest: I'd like a friend there when she arrives."

Kunou nodded. "Understandable. I have a session before then; however, I hope to make it there before your family arrives." He put a morsel in his mouth, and chewed thoughtfully.

"By the way..."

"What is it, Kunou?"

"Why isn't Akane coming?" Kunou's eyes stared through Ranma for a moment.

"She's... not allowed." Ranma began eating at a faster pace. "I wouldn't react well to her presence at this time."

Kunou frowned. "It hurts that much, huh?"

"I... I don't know, Kunou. I don't really feel like killing myself right now... but I don't know what I'd do if I saw Akane and Ryouga again. I mean... I know it's over... but someone hasn't told my heart yet."

"And what are you going to do when they let you out? You can't avoid them forever, you know. Unless you *want* to spend another two months here..."

Ranma ate another morsel of food, and savored its bitter taste. "I know, Kunou. I know. But right now... I don't know where else to go."

*********************************************************************

"Hello, Tatewaki. Care to sit down?"

Kunou let out a deep, patient sigh. The psychiatrists were the one part of his stay that he hated the most. His mind was his own, and the probing questions and devil's tricks of the doctors made him feel vulnerable. Besides... he always felt a lot worse going out of the chair than in. That hurt would fade after awhile, but it would still linger, tickling at the darker parts of his soul. He sat down in the chair, and cast his eyes to the ceiling.

"I understand that you've been talking with that Saotome woman."

Kunou scowled. "Please do not refer to her as such unless she gives you permission. She is as much man as I am, even though her body may say otherwise."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "I am surprised you would say something like that, especially given your... active fantasy life."

The young man fought back a wave of revulsion. "Doctor, my fantasies are my own. They do not rule me anymore."

Kunou could *hear* the doctor smirk. "So... the medications we've been giving you are helping?"

"I did not say that." Kunou fixed his eyes on a small spot above him. If he could just lose himself in that one spot... "There are more pressing reasons why I choose to leave this fantasy."

"Such as?"

"Friendship." Kunou turned back to the doctor. "Ranma and I... we both need a friend right now. She's hurting from her breakup with Akane, and I... am hurting from too many things to mention."

The doctor wrote some notes on his pad, then continued. "Are you sure that there are no... ulterior motives to your relationship?"

Kunou almost jumped out of the couch. "Excuse me?"

"Something for you to think about, Tatewaki." The doctor set his notepad aside for a moment. "For the first time, you have your precious pigtailed girl by your side. She needs your help, and wishes to fight alongside you - just like in your fantasies. Who cares that she was once a man, and still considers herself as such? She's still the pigtailed girl, and she needs you... wants you there... yearns for you..."

Something snapped inside Kunou at the last words. For a moment, it seemed that a volcano had erupted in his eyes, as they glowed red against the rising sun in the window. There was only so much dishonor a man could take, and this fool had crossed that line.

"Sir, I don't know if what you say is true or not. I could still be lusting after her, or I could still be lost in my fantasies. I don't know anymore. Thanks to you, I don't know *anything* for certain anymore. All I know is that she needs help, and I need help. And if that isn't enough reason to try to help her... then you've been in this office too long." Kunou trembled in his rage, then slowly backed off. "Doctor."

Unfazed by Kunou's outburst, the psychiatrist picked up his notebook, and jotted some notes. Letting out a long sigh, he looked over at the patient, his eyes tired.

"What will you do if she asks you to leave?"

For a moment, Kunou hesitated. He'd spoken the truth earlier; he honestly didn't know... and not knowing scared him. "Leave... I hope."

The psychiatrist nodded. "Good. It means... it means you're learning how to deal with your fantasies." He let out a sigh, and turned the page of his notebook. "Now... tell me about your mother's death..."

*********************************************************************

Kasumi normally loved to visit hospitals. There was something about the healing of the body that drew her to places like this; there were few callings on earth more noble or sacred. She spent many an afternoon at Tofu's clinic or at Nerima General, visiting with the patients there and making sure they were well spiritually as well as physically.

Which was one reason why this particular hospital gave her the willies.

She was no stranger to psychological damage. Indeed, there were so many scars lurking beneath her housewife's mask that she sometimes thought she deserved a place here. These people, though... there was no hope for a few of them. She had visited here a few times before; almost all were charming and polite... but there was an emptiness to the gazes of some, as though the walls around them were all they knew. One in particular got her attention: she had been a resident for ten years, and showed no signs of getting out anytime soon.

Even death held more hope than that.

She shook the fears from the cloak of her mind, and looked down the hallway. There were others coming to visit, to comfort these lost souls, but she knew that far too many would be alone today. Her heart instinctively went out to them, even while she shied from their presence. She meekly followed Nodoka down the hallway to the small cell... Ranma's second home.

Her eyebrows raised, though, when she saw who was by Ranma's side. She remembered Kunou Tatewaki from Nabiki's high-school days; while he was always gracious to her, she disliked his archaic views on women, as well as his designs on her sister and her sis... and Ranma.

"Hello, Ranma!" Nodoka gave a mother's greeting next to her, and rushed to embrace her child. Kasumi merely gave a soft greeting; this was a moment between mother and child, and any words from her now would spoil it.

"Hi, Mom." Kasumi felt like crying on seeing Ranma's face. The young man she'd come to admire was gone forever, a victim of a broken heart. This new person in front of her... she held secrets and pains deep inside, scars only someone else scarred would ever recognize. She seemed to move like a young woman: tentative, but with a touch of careful grace. Kasumi looked at the woman's hands, and the ugly white scars around her wrists; a flash of dying flesh burned through her memory, as she tried to keep life flowing in Ranma's empty veins.

Ranma noticed Kasumi's eyes, and pulled the hands beneath the sheets. "Hey, Kasumi. How are you doing?"

Kasumi stopped for a moment; the words she had planned felt meaningless. "We're doing okay, Ranma. Father and Uncle Saotome are debating what to do with the dojo; your... reaction to certain problems brought things to a head. Akane's been lonely since you left; it seems like every day she spends at the dojo, making repairs or practicing."

"How fares Nabiki?"

Kasumi blinked at Kunou's question, but quickly recovered. "She's doing well. She just started her second year at college, and says that the business classes are too easy."

Both of the hospital's residents nodded in appreciation. "That's good," Kunou whispered. "She was always the best of us at Furinkan."

Nodoka coughed, getting the others' attentions. "Um... Ranma? Honestly: how is it here? You look so pale, so thin..."

Ranma chuckled softly. "Well... the cooking's atrocious, the doctors are bastards, and the other inmates aren't that good on conversation." She looked over to Kunou for a moment. "Well, most of them, anyway."

"Thank you," Kunou replied.

Kasumi's eyes were on Nodoka for much of the exchange. The matriarch was holding something back...

"Um... Pardon me, sir, but how do you know my child? Or the Tendos, for that matter?

Kunou frowned. "I... I was in the same class as Tendo Nabiki. I also... had a crush on Akane and on the 'pigtailed girl', though I didn't know her identity then."

Something flashed in Nodoka's eyes, a simmering that Kasumi didn't like one bit. Fortunately, Ranma beat her to the punch.

"How are you and Tofu doing, Kasumi?"

She blushed. *That* would definitely distract her. "Well... we came to an understanding after your... problem. Things are a lot better between us."

Ranma grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Enough for you to be wearing an engagement ring?"

Kasumi instinctively covered her left hand. "Um... well... yes." She smiled; she was almost giddy about it, but didn't want to depress Ranma.

The warm smile was all the assurance Kasumi needed. "Good. I... I hope the two of you are very happy together." Ranma looked from Kasumi to her mother.

"Mom... seriously. How are you doing?"

The walls Nodoka had built started to crumble around her. "Well, Ranma... I'm okay... I'm just wondering what possessed you to do something like this."

The smile on Ranma's face vanished. "I didn't have anything to live for, Mom. And.... and right now I still don't."

Something seemed to flare up inside of the older woman. "But, Ranma... you have your friends, your family... you still have Akane waiting for you..."

"As what, Mom? A *girl* friend? Just a business partner? We were supposed to be MARRIED, Mom! We were supposed to have kids running around by now!" Ranma's anger deflated as the sobs came through. "And that... knowing I'd lost... nothing is worth it..."

Nodoka was positively livid - her eyes twitched as she spoke, and her voice was starting to carry from the room. "Not worth it? We *raised* you, Ranma!" Tears were beginning to form in her eyes. "How can you say that we mean nothing to you? Didn't you care about the hurt you'd cause us with your... your act?"

"OF COURSE I CARED!" Ranma sobbed. "I... I cared... too much..." The sobs degenerated, as human speech was replaced by animal whimpers.

Kunou got up on the bed, and wrapped his arms protectively around her. "I think it's time you left, Mrs. Saotome."

"And who are you to say whether I should leave my child?" Nodoka positively growled at the man.

Kunou kept his gaze. "Just a friend who knows a lot more about what she's feeling than you do."

Kasumi watched all of this, her throat dry. She... she honestly didn't know what to do. She moved over, and grabbed Nodoka by the arm.

"Auntie Saotome? I think it would be best for Ranma if we left." In a quieter, harsher voice, she whispered, "Ranma is here to get better. Do not make this any harder than it has to be on her."

Veins popped out on Nodoka's forehead and neck, as she strained to hold back choice words. "As... as you wish, Kasumi. However, the next time I am here, I will visit with my child - alone." She flashed Kunou a dark look, and stormed out of the room.

Kasumi flashed an apologetic smile. "I'll talk to her once we get back home. All right?"

Ranma nodded between sobs. "Th... thanks, Kasumi."

Kasumi left the room as fast as she could. She trusted Kunou (for once) to take care of Ranma; Nodoka would need her help. She looked down the hall, and saw Nodoka storming her way to the exit.

"Auntie Saotome! Wait!"

The older woman stopped. Kasumi could hear her sobs; she pulled out a tissue from her pocket, and offered it to her.

A moment later, Nodoka straightened up. "Th... thank you, Kasumi."

"Auntie Saotome, may I speak freely?"

She sighed. "You're going to tell me that what I did in there was a mistake. I already know that; I just... lost control."

She had to smile. Nodoka may not have been perfect... but she at least realized when she was wrong. "Auntie Saotome, you have to understand that Ranma is grown now. She has been taught everything she needs to know. It's now time... for us to have faith in her."

Nodoka nodded quickly. "I know. I... just don't want her to make a mistake. She's more vulnerable than she realizes right now."

Kasumi shook her head. "If Ranma didn't realize how vulnerable she is, she would have left here by now."

"I suppose you're right." The matriarch straightened up, and fixed the wrinkles in her kimono. "Come on, Kasumi. It's time we went home."

*********************************************************************

Kunou knew what it meant to be out of control.

He just never knew what to do when someone else was out of control.

Ranma was, quite literally, a mess. She was sobbing uncontrollably, in a way she probably hadn't done since childhood - if then. She occasionally tried to mumble something through her tears; all that came out were howls and grunts. Her body was contorted into a fetal ball, shivering as though she were freezing.

Kasumi had left a minute before; to her credit and his honor, she left him to take care of Ranma. He slipped an arm around her waist, and began to whisper in her ear. It felt... well, natural; after all, he'd done this for Kodachi once.

"It's okay, Ranma. You don't have to worry about it; she's gone. You don't have to worry, Ranma. You're not alone; I'm here, helping you... just like I always have."

Ranma began to quiet down, her sobs calming enough to form words.

"W... why? Mom..."

"She loves you, Ranma. She always has, she always will. She... just made a mistake."

"I... need to talk..."

"Later, Ranma. You're not ready now; you're scared, and hurting... you need to calm down."

"I... no... I'm ready..."

Kunou put his hands over her eyes. "No, you're not, Ranma. You're not thinking clearly. Just... just rest, and everything will be much better afterwards."

He swallowed; he could feel her movements stilling... resting. Tear streaks marred her face, her eyes shone red from crying... she was like a little girl, lost and scared.

And she never looked more lovely in his eyes.

She fought to smile; it was clearly an effort. "Th... thanks, Kunou." Her entire body seemed to melt into him, as her breathing became shallow.

"Kunou?" she whispered.

"Yes?"

"Why did you comfort me like that?" To his surprise, her words were soft... friendly.

"I... when my mother died, Kodachi was acting just like you did. Mother... was the glue that held our family together, and when she died, we all fell apart. Kodachi was only nine at the time; she started crying uncontrollably after we got the news. I... didn't know what else to do to calm her down."

She seemed to laugh... at least, it looked like an effort to. "Does that mean I'm... going to be calling myself 'Black Rose' and taking... gymnastics in the future?"

"I should hope not," Kunou whispered, forcing down more choice replies. He... was on a knife's edge in her bed; he wanted to comfort her, to let her know that she wasn't alone... but he was finding something in the way of that care. Something familiar, something distracting... a siren's call to his doom. He shuffled close to the edge of the bed, and moved to get off.

"Kunou?"

"Yes?"

The words came difficult out of her mouth, he could tell. "Thanks."

Mustering what little self-control he had left, Kunou eased off the bed, and straightened his pajamas. Looking down at her, he allowed himself a fleeting touch of her hand - a subtle gesture of goodbye. "Anytime, Ranma. Anytime."

*********************************************************************

For a moment, Ranma wondered if paranoia had set in.

First there was her mother. Mom probably didn't know much about why a person would kill herself; she definitely didn't know how to respond to one. Some of the things she said... they were like giving her another razor to finish the job. She knew Mom meant well; problem was, meaning well and doing well were two very different things.

Then came Kunou.

The fool had been ignoring her, ever since she'd calmed down after the visit. He hid inside his room during the outside breaks, finished his meals before she had a chance to sit down, and generally went out of his way to avoid contact with her. She'd tried to find him, but all that he'd do would be to run away, close to the orderlies.

It was enough to make her wonder if the whole world was against her. She'd been wary of others ever since her fiancee had... had left her, and this new behavior from others set her nerves on edge. She marched down the corridor and to his room, loudly knocking on the door to get his attention.

"Oi, Kunou! You in there?"

"Please leave, Ranma." The voice inside sounded haggard... weak.

"I... don't want you to see me this way."

She blinked. Kunou... was ashamed of himself? "Kunou, what's wrong? Please, I can't help you unless you let me in."

The door opened a crack, enough for her to enter. Kunou was at the other end by the time she opened the door, his face turned away.

"Kunou...?"

A long silence reigned for a moment, as Kunou tried to will thoughts into words. "Saotome... it is best if we didn't help each other. You will be leaving soon; it would be to both of our advantages if we did not fraternize during our stay here."

Ranma blinked, as though slapped. She found a soft aching in her heart - an aching she'd recognized from the departure of too many friends. "Kunou, if that's the way you want it... I will respect your wishes. But only if you tell me why."

Kunou shuddered. "I... can't."

Ranma's anger was starting to flare. "Why not, Kunou? What could be so bad that you have to hide from me?"

Kunou looked away, his eyes darting around like a caged animal. Words formed again, slowly, with more resistance.

"Ranma... I... I love you."

Ranma's blood ran cold. "You... love me? And that's why you're running away from me?"

"Yes," Kunou whispered. he straightened up, and tried to smooth the wrinkles out of his pajamas. "I... I no longer love the pigtailed girl. She was a figment of my imagination. You, on the other hand... you don't even realize how breathtaking you are. You're kind, patient, strong, independent... you're everything a man could ask for in a woman. And that hurts... because you're also the best friend a man could ask for."

Ranma's mouth hung open in shock. She couldn't feel her knees; she held onto the wall for support. She remembered how she felt before, after he'd first admitted his love for the 'pigtailed girl'; all the revulsion and fear and wonder that became her thoughts of this man.

"K... Kunou?" Her mind was racing; she didn't know what to do. She was *feeling* so much, thinking confusing and contradictory and painful thoughts... but she *had* to stay with him. She had to. She touched his arm; it felt like pinpricks on her fingertips.

He shrank from the contact. "Yes, Ranma?"

Words came to her, a question the doctor had asked her once during her stay. "Do... do you love me enough to be my friend?"

She could see the confusion in his eyes; it mirrored her own. They were so much alike, quiet people with storms raging inside. She could see the light in his eyes, and his head nod its affirmative.

"Yeah, Ranma..." His voice gained more conviction. "Yeah."

"Good." She took a step toward him, and wrapped her arms around him. "Because... you're all I've got left. And I don't... I don't want to lose you."

A shiver went up her spine, as Kunou's arms returned the embrace. "You won't lose me, Saotome Ranma. I... I promise." She felt ... she felt safe in his arms. It had been so long... she wasn't even sure if this was what it was supposed to feel like.

All she knew was that, for the first time in seventeen months, she was safe.

*********************************************************************

Ranma stepped out into the courtyard. It was evening; normally the patients weren't allowed after dark, but she just *had* to do this.

To put it simply, it felt right.

"Now... will you care to explain to me what you want to show me out here? I have my rest to think about as well, you know."

Ranma smiled. "Okay. Just sit back, and watch."

She moved her hands in the ready position, and took a deep breath. Her center was clear... but not calm; it was like there was a buzzing around it, ready to explode. She punched into the air, using her energy to propel her forward, and immersed herself into the kata.

She could feel the world around her, the electric fire that bound everything together as she went through the moves. Her mind danced in the past, reliving her life as Saotome Ranma... and not being disturbed at bit. She could see the times they'd shared, and laugh about them - or, at the very least, smile. She jabbed a foot into the air, imagining fights that she'd fought... fights she'd won and lost, all in the name of friendship and love. She moved, blocking and dancing around an invisible opponent... her shadow, her fears.

And, all through it, she felt a presence around her, circling her, keeping her warm... defending her blind spots. She knew who he was; she could admit it now. She still wasn't sure what to do about him, but she would know... in time. For now, he was there, and she was there. That's all that mattered to her

A minute later, with a careful defensive stance, it was done. It took a moment to realize she was smiling; she couldn't feel much of her corporeal form, she was so giddy.

"Very good, Ranma! That was..."

She opened her eyes. "That was the Art, Doctor... in its purest form." She bowed to the psychiatrist and orderly, like a student to a master. "Now do you know why this was so important to me?"

The doctor smiled. "So... what brought about this change?"

She smiled. "I'm not alone anymore. I... I may never be able to love someone like everyone else does. But... I know that I have a friend. Someone who loves me... enough to be my friend."

The doctor wrote some notes on his pad, and moved toward the entrance. "That's good, Ranma. I... hope you don't mind if I appear skeptical, but I would like to wait a few more days before releasing you, to make sure this is not a temporary thing."

Ranma smiled. She *knew* this wasn't temporary; it was too strong to be that. "Sure thing, Doc. I... I think I can wait that long."

"I will contact your family, however, to make sure to pick you up when you are released."

She smiled. She wasn't afraid anymore; not after what had happened. "Sounds good to me, Doc. I... It's been too long."

The doctor smiled. "You will come and visit, won't you? It's so rare that we have entertainment around here."

Ranma blinked; it hadn't occured to her to come back and visit. "Um... sure. I... I will. I promise."

*********************************************************************

The flowers were blooming well, Ranma thought. Summer's zenith had come while she'd been locked up here, so the only flowers she could enjoy were the ones the sanitarium provided. Still, they were nice ones; the bright corona of the sunflowers, the irises with their fluted petals, the delicate pale-blue flower of the lilac...

"Ranma."

She straightened up from the flowers, and took a deep breath. This was not going to be easy, not by any stretch of the imagination. She turned around, only to find his words waiting for her.

"Ranma, I apologize."

She blinked. This was not what she'd expected. "Um... for what?"

Kunou bowed deeply. "For my unfeeling words yesterday. I... I didn't think of how the words would make you feel." He turned away. "I'd better be going-"

"Wait." She felt the words leap from her throat. "Don't go." She swallowed. "Not now. Please."

Kunou turned around, but was silent.

"Kunou... don't be sorry. What you said had to be said - just as what I said needed to come out."

She moved over to him, and hugged him across the chest. "Kunou, I... I needed to hear what you said last night. If you had kept it inside, I would have figured it out eventually, and probably would've been mad as anything. By... saying it in a way that wasn't a come-on, you showed that you really cared for me as a friend." She shuffled her feet on the ground. "Also... you helped me face some things."

Kunou's whole body seemed to melt in her arms. "Ranma... how could I have helped you? What I did was selfish, and rude, and -"

"And necessary. I... the stuff the docs were trying to tell me never settled in - until I found myself in their shoes. I... I've let go, Kunou. I've let go." Her grip tightened around Kunou's waist, then relaxed.

"So... you don't love Akane anymore?" The young man raised an eyebrow - a trait Ranma found endearing. She smiled, and shook her head.

"Kunou, I do love Akane. I learned to love her enough to forgive her, and to allow her to be happy." Her voice broke for a moment. "If... Ryouga makes her happy, then I'll let them be together."

She looked up at him. His dark eyes sparkled with guarded happiness. "So... you're okay now?"

She nodded. She was more than okay... though she'd never tell him that. "Yeah. The docs say that I can get out of here in a couple of days, once they make sure I'm okay."

An all-too-common sight greeted her at the words - brown, mournful eyes. "I... will miss your presence here. You have been an enormous help to me during my stay."

Ranma laughed softly. "Kunou, don't worry. You'll be out of here soon enough. They're due to let you out in a week, right?"

Kunou nodded. "They are. It feels like I've been here forever, though."

"It'll be strange to go back, Kunou. But remember: if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be there." She backed away, and gave a squeeze to his hand. "Okay?"

"Okay." A gentle smile adorned Kunou's face; it seemed that he, too, was learning to let go. "I... will look forward to seeing you in something other than pajamas."

Ranma laughed. "So will I, Kunou. So will I." She ran from the courtyard and into the hospital, her hand never leaving his.

*********************************************************************

Tendo Akane walked through the front doors of the hospital, every instinct inside of her screaming to run, and sat down in the waiting lobby. Her eyes darted to and fro; she knew who the patients were in a place like this, and it gave her the creeps. These people were.... well, crazy.

And Ranma was now among them.

Had been among them, she corrected herself. She was getting out today, after two months... two months too long. She needed to see Ranma's strong, powerful body, her rosy cheeks, her reckless smile... anything to wipe that picture from her mind. There wasn't a night that went by that Akane wouldn't see her image, and fight to hold the tears down.

She'd tried. She'd honestly tried to make the transition from fiancee to friend as painless as possible for Ranma - without success. She'd taken Ranma shopping, dragged her on "girls' nights out", talked with her, asked her how she was feeling... then accidentally walked in on her in the bath.

Ranma's heart had stopped twice that night. She didn't know how the paramedics brought her back; she didn't want to know. All that mattered was that Ranma was back and well... and, hopefully, ready to live again. She heard a shuffling around her, but she paid it no attention.

"Hey, Akane."

She looked up. Ranma stood before her, clad in her typical Chinese outfit. There was something different about her; she seemed to radiate peace and tranquility. Her smile was the kind reserved for saints or madmen; her eyes shone blue without any malice. It was almost as though she were born again. Akane tried to find her voice, to find *some* words for this... this homecoming.

"Um... hi." She got up, and inspected her more closely. She winced when she saw the scars, but other than that... "Welcome back."

Ranma looked to the floor. "Sorry, Akane... I..."

"Shhh, Ranma." She embraced the girl, holding in her arms and not wanting to let go. "No.... you don't have to apologize. For anything."

"But..."

"I'm sorry. I tried to... tried to go on.... but... I rushed things. I'm sorry." She started crying - tears which stopped as Ranma broke the embrace. Ranma just *looked* back at her, her blue eyes piercing to the core.

"Akane... I officially break the engagement between us. If... If Ryouga makes you happy, then I won't stand in the way."

Akane blinked. "You mean... Ranma, you..." The tears came full force. No power on earth could stop them; it hurt so much to let go, to say goodbye.... but it felt good as well. "I... okay, Ranma. If... if it's okay with you, then... okay." She winced; she hated situations like this.

Ranma nodded her reply. "I... I'm sorry I put you through all that. You... didn't deserve it. You were only trying to go on with your life; you didn't deserve to have me in the way."

"Oh, Ranma..." Akane would have hit her, if she'd been elsewhere. "Baka. When you're here, you'll never be in the way. I... I love you. You.... I hope you're my best friend now. And I will ALWAYS respect that."

"Thanks, Akane." Ranma looked back to the doorway she came from. "And... I don't know if you're my best friend, but... you're close enough."

Akane looked over to the receptionist's booth. "Is there anything else we need to do? Everyone's waiting at home."

Ranma stopped for a moment at the word 'home'. "Um... Akane?"

"Yes?"

"A lot happened... while I was in there. We're going to need to sit down and talk. Later."

Akane blinked. "What happened? You didn't meet some cute girl while you were in there, did you?"

To her surprise, Ranma gave a wicked, enigmatic smile. Mischievous laughter pealed from her throat as she opened the door, to let Akane into the light.

*********************************************************************

The shirt felt strange around Kunou Tatewaki, though not in an unpleasant way. He had become accustomed to the flannel of the standard-issue pajamas; to feel a linen shirt around him was almost erotic. The slacks came on with a quick slip and zip, making him feel a little more normal. He put on the socks and shoes, then looked in the mirror.

Gods, it was good to be back.

He still wasn't sure what to do about his future. The Kunou estate had enough money for him to support himself in perpetuity; however, a warrior became corrupt by staying away from the world, something he never wanted again. He vowed to return to school, to finish what he had started - once he was mature enough to go. With a fluid motion, he picked up his bag of medications and walked to the door.

"Ready to go?" the receptionist asked.

He nodded. "It has been too long. I missed the cherry blossoms in my absence; I do not intend to miss them again."

She shrugged. "The bloom wasn't very good this year, for some reason. Still... it is missed, if you end up here."

Kunou nodded. "True. Now, may I please be let out?"

"Of course." She pushed the button in the office, releasing the door.

The door opened, and Kunou had to hold back his tears. For the first time, in too long, he was free. He never knew the meaning of the word... until it was taken from him. He let the air come into his lungs, the stale, air-conditioned, but free air he'd yearned for so long to taste.

"Oi, Kunou. You gonna go through, or do you want to stay another three months?"

Kunou blinked, then stepped through. "Hello, Ranma. It's nice to see you again."

And it most definitely was. She looked different from the shattered person that had entered the hospital, or the 'pigtailed girl' he tried to woo with his odious charms. She'd cut her hair into a short, flattering bob; it would be a long time before anyone called her 'pigtailed girl' again. Also, her clothes were different; the button-down summer shirt and slacks, likely borrowed from Nabiki, weren't quite what he was used to from her.

Not that he wanted to complain, mind you...

"... you look nice."

"Thanks," she said noncommittally, then looked downward. "Kunou?"

"Yes?"

"I... talked with Akane."

His eyebrow raised ever-so-slightly. "And?"

"Well, I'm no longer engaged, for one..." Ranma snorted, then met his eyes. "Akane was wondering if you'd be willing to start a kendo class at the dojo."

He blinked at her. Him... teach? "She... wants me to start teaching?"

She nodded. "She and Ryouga are trying to get the dojo running again. They figured that, if they offered as many different classes as they could, that they'd be able to attract a larger number of students."

He smiled slightly. Perhaps *this* was his calling in life. "Would the fair Akane be averse to me taking time to go to college?"

Ranma smiled. Gods, he loved that smile. "Nope. In fact, she planned for the two of us to go to college while we taught. It'll take a lot of studying... but, together, I think we could do it."

"To... gether?" Kunou looked at her strangely. Was this the same Ranma he knew?

Ranma frowned, her eyes turning darker. "Kunou, we need each other right now. That might change once you meet some cute girl, but for now you need someone to call a friend." The eyes brightened. "Besides, have you seen your sister lately? She's nuts!"

Kunou sighed. "You know, perhaps she would be served well by some time in therapy..."

"Don't tempt me," Ranma agreed. Her eyes seemed to laugh, something he'd not seen in too long.

"So... you gonna come along?" She grabbed his hand, and pulled him to the door.

"As you wish, milady." He walked out the entrance and into the light of day. For the first time since he was a child, though, he knew that he didn't walk alone.

Back to start of Ranma-chan and Ranko Shrine

Back to start of Anime Review section

Back to Main Index Page

Back to start of Ranma 1/2 section