From: Nicholas Leifker <nightelf@thekeep.org> Leifker presents... Markings A Ranma 1/2 work of anime fanfiction, set in the Iris tales, by Nicholas Leifker All Ranma 1/2 characters created by Rumiko Takahashi; all others created by me. All rights reserved. I ask that you not do anything with any part of this work without permission from the author. Enjoy the show... *** My wrists sting as they descend beneath the water's surface; blood, as bright as a stop sign, smokes into the bath, turning the water to a sickly pink hue. It's supposed to be warm, here; strange that the bath seems cooler, now. Heavy-lidded eyes watch my life seep from my veins... a gentle smile crosses our lips as I begin to let go. My trial is finished. No more to live for; it's time for me to move on. Akane... Akane should be happy, now that I'm out of the way. She can get on with her life, and love... love a real man. Nobody will have to worry about me anymore; even I've stopped doing that. I shrink into myself; the cold is coming... so cold... "Mommy! Mommy, wake up!" I open my eyes, and blink the nightmares away. My hand reaches out for something more precious; despite what I've seen, I can't help but match her smile. "Okay, okay... just give Mommy a couple of minutes, okay?" "Okay!" She bounces away with energy I vaguely remember having once, leaving me alone in my bed once more. The ceiling immediately grabs my attention; I turn over and stare at the stucco for a minute. Well. It had definitely been awhile since he visited like that. Not a visitor I prefer in my dreams - then again, perhaps it's a good thing he did come to visit. He is dead. That was the last message of a man who couldn't live with himself, and bid adieu to the life he'd been dealt. His ashes have been cold for years - however, I still remember his life fondly. I reach my arms to the sky, and stare at the marks I'd given myself that day. Two long white scars, one on each wrist, like a pair of bracelets I can't get off. Not that I want to, of course; they're a reminder, after all, a note to myself sometimes when things get tough. I trace the line of one with a finger; the cold touch of steel comes back, giving me the chills. It had been a near thing. Life... or death? Easy question for most - unless you end up in a body that isn't yours, facing a future you'd rather not see. Heck, if I had seen who I'd become, I probably would have finished the job. Better to die in some cold furo than become some stupid *girl*... Well, I became a girl - a woman, actually, much to my surprise. And... and it's not that bad. I can still kick everyone's tail in a fight; I can still be as rough as I want to be. I can still be me; it's just that... that *me* is more than what I was. I roll over onto my side, toward the empty half of the bed. His side is cold, now; however, I san still smell his scent in the sheets, reminding me of a million little things, a million secrets we share. I remember that smile he has, so free of the bluster he'd known; his dark eyes swallow me, speaking of mysteries I cannot speak, but intimately feel. Other, more private thoughts leap to mind, and I blush slightly in remembrance. He's a good man - better than I would have been. He knows love - we know love - and we're both stronger for it. Yes, I love him; my other self could not know it, but I can. In that moment, I give thanks for the crazy things that brought us together, those trials that taught us what love really is. My daily affirmations done, I rise from the bed. I let my nightgown fall to the floor, tossing off one shell and putting on another. The slacks and shirt feel like a second skin; even after all these years, it's in these clothes that I am most comfortable. A few moments of primping, and I'm ready to face the day. "Mommy!" She leaps into my arms, a scarlet blur that I can barely hold on to at the best of times. I twist her upside-down in my grasp, and take delight in her giggles. A flick of the wrist and she's right-side up, her face inches from mine. "Good morning, Akiko!" Does she hear all I put into those words - the song of love and fear and caring and mourning represented in a few slips of the tongue? Can she know, even if she does? "Good morning, Mommy!" Her song echoes mine, but is so different; hers cries of simple love in its most perfect form. She hugs me around the neck and kisses my cheek - a treasure for years from now, when she has made her own life. "let's go, let's go!" I give her a stern look; I see what plans she makes... "Don't tell me you want to beat up on my beginners again..." Her dark eyes light up like a Christmas tree. "Yeah!" Yep; she's definitely my daughter. I set her down and look her in the eyes - another conversation to remember. "Now, Akiko, you can't expect to fight my beginning students every day. They're still just learning, after all. And, being beat... they don't like that." I think back for a moment, and smile. "Tell you what. If they challenge you, then you can fight them. Okay?" "Okay..." She doesn't sound too happy about that; she's as stubborn as I was, and she wants a challenge. I pick her up into my arms once more; after stopping to grab my purse and sunglasses, we're quickly on our way. My eyes turn to the sky as we begin our journey. It's a perfect day, with the sun brilliant in the morning sky; for a moment, I wonder if someone faces such light with despair. Once, I did; once, days were for existence, not enjoyment. And... one such day nearly became my last. It's good that my daughter has such a diametrically opposite view from that. She can barely stay in my arms; she wants to go everywhere, see everything, do everything. And... I can't fault her for it. I was the same way, once; she'll need that energy if she plans to get through growing up. I see so much of the potential I had at that age, when everything was innocent and no force on Earth could stop me - before I lost my best friend, before I lost my humanity in a pit of cats. Before I fell into a spring, and lost what man I was. We reach the dojo sooner than I expected; guess my mind was elsewhere during the travelling. I hear the sounds of men fighting, and smile; it's a strange feeling being a part of them, and yet not. My job as chauffer is done; Akiko leaps from my arms at the door, into what has become her playground. I watch her as she begins her daily adventures; she is always a part of me, and that part of me goes to play with her. "Hey, Ranma." An easy voice comes from the side; Akane casually stands there, her infant son in her arms. "Hey, Akane," I whisper in reply. I don't really see her; I look off to what Kunou and I have created. "How's Hiroshi?" "Fine," she replies. Her free hand touches my shoulder, a gentle touch I would know in my sleep. "Ranma, are you okay?" In the yard, my daughter plays with Hayao, Akane's eldest; I am lost in the scene. There is me in her, true; however, there is more to it than that. Her face is not all mine; some bits remind me of him, and also of Akiko's 'crazy' Aunt Kodachi. She has more strength than I had at that age; moreover, she's got gifts of the mind I can't comprehend. Which is, I guess, the point. She is the best of both of us - and that is the way it should be. I rub my wrists unconsciously; to think my darkness nearly destroyed this... I know better now. Life has been better with me - THIS me - here. That's a scary thing to discover, but it is not without happiness. My smile widens; I turn from my progeny. "Yeah, Akane. I'm okay." She pulls out a wry grin. "So. You wanna watch our husbands get all sweaty while they work out?" Mischief dances in Akane's eyes, a look I never understood in the old days. We've been so much - fiancees, girl friends, competing mothers - it's hard to say what we are now, except close. And, to be honest, her suggestion does have some appeal... "Sure. Come on; maybe we can make them even more hot and bothered before the session's over." I lead her by the hand; like the pair in the yard, we giggle without reservation, and revel in the playtime. Yeah... I'd say things are going well. *** Nicholas Leifker nightelf@thekeep.org http://www.thekeep.org/~nightelf/fanfic April 4, 2000