Edward Sissorhands transcript

OLD KIM

Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.

GRANDDAUGHTER

Why is it snowing, grandma? Where does it come from?

OLD KIM

Oh, that's a long story, sweetheart.

GRANDDAUGHTER

I want to hear.

OLD KIM

Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep.

GRANDDAUGHTER

I'm not sleepy. Tell me, please.

OLD KIM

Well, all right. Let's see. I guess it would have to start with scissors.

GRANDDAUGHTER

Scissors?

OLD KIM

Well, there are all kinds of scissors. And once there was even a man who had scissors for hands.

GRANDDAUGHTER

A man?

OLD KIM

Yes.

GRANDDAUGHTER

Hands, scissors?

OLD KIM

No, scissorhands. You know the mansion on top of the mountain?

GRANDDAUGHTER

It's haunted.

OLD KIM

Well, a long time ago, an inventor lived in that mansion. He made many things, I suppose. He also created a man. He gave him inside, a heart, a brain, everything. Well, almost everything. You see, the inventor was very old. He died before he got to finish the man he invented. So the man was left by himself, incomplete and all alone.

GRANDDAUGHTER

He didn't have a name?

OLD KIM

Of course, he had a name. His name was Edward.

PEG

Avon calling.

HELEN

Weren't you just here?

PEG

No, not since last season. Today I've come to show you our exquisite new line of soft colors in shadows, blushes and lipstick. Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing looks.

HELEN

My changing looks? That's good. (Helen chuckles)

PEG

Well, it goes that saying and I also have a complete selection of your old favorites, those tried-and-true products we've all come to depend on year-in and year-out.

HELEN

Come on, Peg. I never buy anything from you. You know that?

PEG

I know. Bye, Helen.

REPAIRMAN

You know, you didn't have to call me, ma'am. You could have taken care of this by yourself.

JOYCE

I could? I don't think so.

REPAIRMAN

Yeah, you see, it's easy. The food trap's clogged. That's all. You see this bolt here? You just unscrew this. OK? And out she pops.

JOYCE

You know, on TV they say you repairmen are lonely bunch of people. Housewives get lonely too. Although you may not realize it since they haven't made a commercial on the subject.

REPAIRMAN

And then you just take this and put it back in here nice and easy. Be careful not to force it, because it fits in there by itself. And then you just screw this back on. (The bell rings.)

JOYCE

On no! Who could that be? Will you excuse me for a moment? Now. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. This is fascinating. I wouldn't want to miss a moment of it.

PEG

Good morning, Joyce. Avon calling.

JOYCE

Why! Peg. Have you gone blind? Can't you see there's a vehicle in my driveway?

PEG

Oh, yes.

JOYCE

Well, I'm surprised you don't realize that means I'm busy. (Joyce shuts the door with a bang.)

PEG

Okay. Now, we should decide on lipsticks. Okay, dear, what one did you like best? There was the Winsome Wahini which looked charming on you. Or the Bahenie Bliss.

A GIRL

I like them both.

PEG

Well, great.

A GIRL

You don't actually think I have any money, do you? (Peg gets in her car.)

CHILDREN

Ding, dong, the Avon lady.

PEG

It's just not my day. (Disappointed Peg sees a mansion through her rearview mirror and drives to the place. She is attracted by the beautiful garden there and enters the mansion.)

PEG

Oh, my goodness.

PEG

Oh, it's so beautiful. Hello? (Birds flying) Hello? Avon calling, oh my. Hello, I'm Peg Boggs. I'm your local Avon representative. Hello. I'm sorry to barge in like this. But you don't have any reason to be afraid. This is some huge house, isn't it? Thank goodness for those aerobics classes. (Snipping)

PEG

Hello. Hello. Why are you hiding back there? You don't have to hide from me. I'm Peg Boggs. I'm your local Avon representative and I'm as harmless as cherry pie.

(Peg sees Edward's scissorhands.)

Oh my! I can see that I've disturbed you. How stupid of me! I'll just be going now.

EDWARD

Don't go.

PEG

Oh my! What happened to you?

EDWARD

I'm not finished.

PEG

Uh, put those down. Don't come any closer. Just please... Those are your hands? Those are your hands. What happened to you? Where are your parents? Hum... Your mother? Your father?

EDWARD

He didn't wake up.

PEG

Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? Hum, you know, I won't hurt you. But at the very least let me give you a good astringent and this will help to prevent infection. What's your name?

EDWARD

Edward.

PEG

Edward? I think you should just come home with me. (Peg takes Edward to her home)

PEG

Oh!

EDWARD

I'm-I'm sorry.

PEG

No, Don't be. You go ahead and look you have every reason to be excited.

PEG

Oh! Are you ok?

EDWARD

Are you ok? (Ring)

HELEN

Hello.

MARGIE

Hi, it's Margie. Listen, I was standing outside talking to Carol and Peg drove by, she had somebody in the car.

HELEN

Did you get a good look?

MARGIE

No, did she say anything to you, about having guest?

HELEN

She didn't say anything. She rang my doorbell early this morning.

MARGIE

No, ok, I'll meet you on the corner. Right, Bye. (Birds signal)

HELEN

Oh, damn!

PEG

Here we go, dear. This is our house. And you can just go right in and make yourself right at home. OK? And just, well have something to eat or drink, whatever you... Here, dear. Here you... This is the front door here, Here we go, right in here. (A woman talks on the phone)

A WOMAN

Joyce, I just saw this strange guy drop in with Peg. I didn't get a very good look at him. He looked kind of pale. Okay, I'll be right there. Don't do anything without me. Okay? Bye.

JOYCE

Yes, I'll be right there.

PEG

Here we are. So, oh, this is the living room and back here, the bedrooms. You want to see the pictures? All right. Well, this is my husband, Bill. He's a bowling champion. Do you know what bowling is? Bowling? Well, here they are down at the lake, fishing. I think Kevin looks a little glum Because they didn't catch anything that day. And here's my daughter, Kim. All dressed up the junior prom. She's a senior now. I can't believe it. She's camping in the mountains with some friends, but she'll be back in a few days and you can meet her then. Isn't she beautiful? That's my family. Now, go on, dear. I'll show you the rest of the house. Then you can just freshen up and make yourself at home. Okay? That's the kitchen over there. You help yourself to anything you want to eat or drink. Those are grapes. Back here are the bedrooms. Let me get you some towels, then I will see what we can find to wear. You know what? I think I have some of Bill's old clothes in here. This is perfect. Here. These should just fit you.

(The phone rings.)

Oh, no, no. Don't be alarmed. That's just a phone. Now you can go in Kim's room and put these on. I'll be right with you.

PEG

No, no, scissors. That's right. Well, he was born up there or something. Have you seen him before? No, I don't think he's been off the grounds before today. You're kidding. How did you get together with him? I have to go. I'll talk to you later Margie, Bye-bye.

(to Edward)

I'm sorry Edward, I didn't... oh, dear. May I help you with this?

EDWARD

Thank you.

PEG

There you go. Oh, dear, you've cut your face. Let me get this right off. Does that hurt? Okay. No, good. Now let's get you dressed. Okay. There we go. Very fine. You look fine, just fine. Come on, we can't wait for you. You've got rollers in your damn hair.

PEG

Okay. Now what did I do with my sci... Edward, um, would you. Thank you. I have a doctor friend who I think could help you.

EDWARD

Really?

PEG

Yes, I can help with the scars. I just want to consult the Avon handbook before doing anything.

PEG

Kevin, it's not polite to stare. Think how it would make you feel if somebody were staring at you.

KEVIN

I wouldn't care.

PEG

Well, I would, so don't do it!

BILL

This must be quite a change for you, Ed.

PEG

I think he prefers Edward.

BILL

Sure. So what have you been doing up there in that big old place? I bet the view must be spectacular, Ed.

PEG

I was just...

BILL

See all the way to the ocean?

EDWARD

Sometimes.

PEG

Bill, could I have the salt and pepper? Thank you.

KEVIN

Man, those things are cool. You know I bet they're razor sharp. One karate chop to a guy's neck...

PEG

Would you like some butter for your bread?

PEG

Great.

EDWARD

Thank you.

KEVIN

Can I bring him to show and tell on Monday?

PEG

I've had enough.

PEG

(to Edward) You think you can sleep? Things feel strange now, but soon you'll feel right at home. Good night. (Peg tries to cover Edward's scars.)

PEG

The light concealing cream goes on first, then you blend and blend and blend. Blending is the secret. More concealing for you? But you complexion is so fair. Now this has a touch of lavender in it. Give it a try here. Close enough. OK. This should do the trick here. I have another idea. We'll cover up the scars and start with a completely smooth surface. Don't eat this stuff! Sports announcements on

RADIO

Hartely into the windup and the strike one pitch. Swung on and missed strike two. If it's a hit, the club has 12 hits. But they still have 11 on the scoreboard and it's 3-1. 0 and 2 the count to Warren. Now they change it to 12 hits.

BILL

Turn it up, Kevin. I can't hear it. Kevin! No, make it louder. Sports announcements on

RADIO

Hartely's strike two pitch is hammered.

KEVIN

You hear that, Mr. Boggs?

BILL

No, make it louder. Sports announcements on

RADIO

It's going way back. It's gone. It's out of here. It is history.

KEVIN

Dad, look! Sports announcements on

RADIO

A grand slam for Martinez to make it a five-run inning and blow this game to pieces.

BILL

I'll be darned.

PEG

They filled the whole tape. (Peg listens to the recorded phones.)

RECORDED VOICES

What's going on over there, Peg. Call me....Hi, it's Margie. Who is he? Call me. Oh, by the way, here it's pouring rain in the mountains. You think the kids are okay?...Hi, there, darling. The gals are all in a tizzy about your secret visitor. You can't keep him a secret forever.

BILL

Boy, it's just wonderful, Ed. My god, you, you have the whole family in there, don't you?

KEVIN

Edward, come here. (Kevin cleans Edward's scissorhands with water.)

BILL

No, no, no. That's a terrible idea, son. Go to the garage and get the oil can. We don't want him rusting up on this now, do we?

PEG

Edward, you did us? Oh, Bill. It's us.

BILL

Yes, it is.

PEG

Oh, Edward. (Esmeralda comes near.)

ESMERALDA

It's not heaven he's from. It's straight from the stinking flames of hell. The power of satan is in him. I can feel it. God, you have the poor sheep strayed so far from the path.

EDWARD

We are not sheep.

ESMERALDA

Don't come near me.

BILL

That's right. Go on. Get out of here. Run!

PEG

Edward, don't you listen to her.

BILL

Don't worry about her, Edward. She's just an old lonely loony. That's all. (Women knock on the door.)

WOMEN

Hi!

JOYCE

You are all hiding in there like a bunch of old hermit crabs.

PEG

Hi, Joyce. Hi!

JOYCE

Shame on you, keeping your unusual guest all to yourself. We think that's mighty selfish of you.

PEG

No, it, it's... things have just been a little hectic around here. That's all.

JOYCE

Oh, that was so sweet of you to want to correct the situation. What time does the barbecue begin?

PEG

Barbecue?

JOYCE

Well, you intend to show your guest hospitality by introducing him to your friends, don't you?

ANOTHER WOMAN

I'll bring coleslaw.

JOYCE

And I will bring the ambrosia salad. What time was it that you said?

PEG

What time? Ah... bill.

JOYCE

About five?

ESMERALDA

He has been sent first to tempt you. But it's not too late. You must push him from you. Expel him. Trample down the perversion of nature.

JOYCE

Did you hear that? He's the perversion of nature. Wow, isn't that exciting? See you later. Bye bye.

PEG

I've always said that you really can't have a picnic or a barbecue without deviled eggs. They're just the best. They make the thing. Oh, dear. Edward. That's wonderful. I didn't know you chopped all those things. What a really big...

(Peg notices a cut on his face.) Oh, all right now. It's just a nick. There's no need to be nervous, dear. You know, Esmeralda won't be here and the rest of neighbors there are really very nice. There's no need to be nervous. They are so eager to meet you. You just have to be yourself.

EDWARD

Myself?

PEG

That's right. Just your own sweet self.

KEVIN

Hey, play scissors, paper, stone with us.

EDWARD

Play scissors what?

NEIGHBOR

I got a doctor friend might be able to help you. Aren't they most incredible?

PEG

He did them just like that.

TINKA

This afternoon?

AT THE PARTY

Hi, Mike. How are you doing? Hello, Jack. Hey, kid. Hey, Hi. George Morroe! Whoa! That's a heck of handshake. Uh, Harry! Harry! I saw you on the golf course. You got a dozen of the melons...

PEG

(to Edward) Are you ok? Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry? Do you want a cracker?

MARGIE

He's so... different completely different, No kidding mysterious.

JOYCE

Do you imagine those hands are hot or cold? Just think what a single snip could do.

HELEN

Or undo.

GEORGE

(to Edward) Eddie. The guys and I were talking, we'd like want to invite you to our card game on Friday night. Would you like that? Only thing is, you can't cut.

AN OLD MAN

I have my own infirmity. Never did me a bit of harm. Took some shrapnel during the war and ever since then I can't feel a thing. Not a damn thing. Listen Don't you ever let anybody tell you you have a handicap.

JOYCE

Who's handicapped? My goodness! Don't be ridiculous. You're not handicapped. You're... What do they call that? Exceptional. My name's Joyce. And I noticed that you have not tasted any of the ambrosia salad that I made especially for you. Allow me. (Joyce helps Edward to eat.)

WOMAN 1

You must try this. (Many women flock to him)

MARGE

(to Edward) You must try this. It's my mother's recipe. Let him chew, for heaven sakes with your green thumb. I could use your help.

HOUSEWIFE

Me, too. There you go.

WOMAN 2

I want a row of angels.

JOYCE

Sorry, ladies. But he's promised to come to my house first.

WOMAN 3

One more.

JOYCE

Haven't you, Eddie?

EDWARD

I did?

BILL

Okay, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on.

EDWARD

I thought it was shish kebab.

BILL

What?

EDWARD

I thought it was shish kebab.

BILL

Yeah, it, it is shish kebab. It was a figure of speech, Ed. You got to learn not to take things so literally.

(On hearing that, Edward looks back the time the inventor taught him the etiquette.)

INVENTOR

Let us pretend we're in the drawing room, and the hostess is serving tea "Now, many numerous little questions confront us" "Should the man rise" "When he accepts his cup of tea?" "May lump sugar be taken with the things?"

EDWARD

Hmm, no.

INVENTOR

Is it good form to accept a second cup? "Now, should the napkin be entirely unfolded." Oh should the center crease. Be allowed to remain? It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders. "But etiquette humiliation and discomfort. Mmm yes, boring. Let us switch to, Um... To some poetry, Hmm?" "There was an old man from the cape." "Who made himself there, but they keep such a beautiful shape." That's right. Go ahead, smile. It's funny. That's right.

DENNY

Okay, guys, we're home. shh.

KIM

I can't believe. Everything's still sopping.

TEENAGE GIRL

I can't wait to take a shower.

SUZANNE

And wash off the mildew.

JIM

If my parents set the alarm, I'm screwed I'll sleep in the yard... again.

KIM

I told you to call to say we're coming back early.

DENNY

Did you?

SUZANNE

He'd rather complain.

JIM

How else can I be the center of the attention? You didn't call your parents.

KIM

They don't run their house like a police station. Bye. Thanks for driving, Denny. See you later.

JIM

See you later. Bye.

KIM

Don't forget your arm.

JIM

Oh, yeah.

DENNY

Come on, Jim let's go.

KIM

Bill! There's somebody in my room. Go. Look. A murderer with an axe. He did try to even kill me.

BILL

It's all right. It's all right.

( to Kevin)

Go back to bed. It's only Edward.

(to Edward)

This way.

PEG

Honey, that was Edward.

KIM

Who is he? What are you talking about?

PEG

Edward's come to live with us. There's nothing to be upset about. No, no. It's okay.

BILL

We'll have you a setup here in a minute. Up with your feet. A queen-size bed here. How do you like that? It's all made up and everything. There you go. What's the matter? What's wrong? She gets you nervous? You've been closed up in a way in that castle too long. You don't know anything about the wonderful world of teen-age girls. They're all crazy. Here some. Straighten that out.

EDWARD

What is it?

BILL

Lemonade. I don't know what it is. They reach a certain age. They develop these gland things. Their bodies swell up. They go crazy.

EDWARD

Glands?

BILL

yeah, glands. I try not to think about it

(Edward drinks lemonade.) Good. Isn't it?

(Peg calms down Kim.)

PEG

Now you stay in Kevin's room tonight. Tomorrow we'll fix your room right.

KIM

Mom, why did you have to bring him in here?

PEG

Oh, honey, I couldn't have left him there all alone. You would have done the same thing.

KIM

Why does he have to stay here?

PEG

Oh, my goodness, Kim. I'm surprised at you. He can't help the way he is. Have a little sympathy.

KIM

I do have a little sympathy.

PEG

Then let's just say hello and later you can come downstairs and shake his hand.

KIM

Shake his hand?

PEG

Well, not literally. Goodness, you scared him half to death.

KIM

I scared him to death?

PEG

Hi, Bill. I just wanted you two to have a proper introduction. Edward, this is our daughter Kim. Kim, this is Edward who's going to live with us.

KIM

Hi! (Edward falls on the floor.)

JOYCE

(to Edward) Eddie. Thirsty?

(to Kisses) Kisses, Hush up. Quiet now. I can hardly hear myself think. Momma's precious little baby girl.

(to Edward)

Wouldn't you like a nice cool glass of lemonade?

EDWARD

Lemonade? (Vomits) (Bell rings)

KEVIN

One chop to guy's neck. And it's all over. They're the sharpest things in the world. They can hack through anything. And...

KIM

I think they look weird. They give me the creeps.

A GIRL

You should see the clown in front of Ms. Peter's yard.

EDWARD

Kim!

KIM

Oh, no!

A GIRL

That's him?

JIM

He's calling you, Kim.

KIM

Stop it.

A WOMAN

Edward, you forgot your cookies.

JIM

Don't worry, Eddie. She's waiting for you.

A GIRL

Let's go.

PEG

Bill, you know what Edward told me? He had lunch at Jackie's today.

BILL

Really?

PEG

She's just had her kitchen completely redone.

BILL

I'll be darned.

PEG

New paint, new cabinets, new floors, new microwave, new Sonnet dishwasher.

BILL

Yeah, isn't that wonderful?

PEG

Isn't that something? Jim, didn't you tell me your mom had her kitchen done too?

JIM

Yeah, my dad bought himself a bunch of new toys. Big screen TV, CD players, VCR with four heads.

PEG

My goodness sake! I wonder what it's like to be that rich.

JIM

No, they keep things pretty much locked up. My father has his own room for his stuff to make sure I can't get and use it. He's so cheap he won't help me buy my own car.

BILL

Well, he probably wants you to pay for it yourself. I agree with him. It builds character. You'll appreciate it more. Speaking of money, I understand you are not charging for gardening, Edward?

PEG

Now, Bill. Margie made him cookies today.

BILL

Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies. You can't buy car with cookies. Am I right, Jim?

JIM

Ah, that's true, sir. You can't. (Edward gives a piece of meat to Kim's friend.)

A GIRL

I can't eat that. He used his hands. I don't think it's sanitary. (Edward passes the piece to Kim but drops it in her lap by mistake.)

EDWARD

I'm sorry.

PEG

Honey, you want me to help you clean that up?

KIM

No, that's okay. I'll be right back. (Edward begins styling women's hair and becomes famous.)

HOUSEWIFE

This can't possibly be my Alexis.

(to Edward) She looks so beautiful. Look at you. She's gorgeous. Thank you.

PEG

It won't be long. She has just to decide on the style, and then it will be fine. She just has to decide what style she wants.

JOYCE

I was hoping for something big and bouffant. Kind of like mine. Don't you worry , Kisses. You'll be so pretty. Eddie, is there anything you can't do? You take my breath away. I swear. Look at this. Have you ever cut a woman's hair? Would you cut mine? That was the single most thrilling experience of my whole life.

PEG

We're getting the head of the company.

KIM

I'm home.

PEG

Hi, honey. We're in here.

KIM

Hi! What did you do to your hair?

PEG

Edward cut it. Isn't it wild?

(on telephone) Hello. Oh, I can't believe I'm talking to you in person. This is such an honor. Yes. He's right here. Great. So then you know all about it. Aha. That's exactly what I've been using. Well, I've had a little trouble getting it to the right consistency. Yeah, right. just a little. I'll try that. Well, what imaginative suggestions! I sure will. Thank you so much. Bye bye.

(to Edward)

No wonder she's the head of the company. You know, she started out as a sales representative just like me. I've always wanted to talk to her but until now I never had a reason. Thanks, Edward.

EDWARD

She had some ideas?

PEG

You bet she did. (At the Airport)

MARGIE

I'll get that.

MARGIE

Edward! We're here. Come on. Let's get you sharpened up.

JIM

You got it?

KIM

No, I can't believe this.

(Kim sees Edward coming.)

Do you have a key?

EDWARD

No.

KIM

I could have sworn I put it in here somewhere.

JIM

Well, we're stranded. (Edward opens the locked door with his scissorhands.)

KIM

Wow! Thanks.

JIM

Ed, what a guy! Good job. Hey, you didn't break it or scratch it or anything. Hey, be a pal and yell when Peg pulls in, huh?

TV HOST

Quite a story, yes? Any questions for Edward? Yeah, get way over. Stand right up.

WOMAN 1

What's been the best part of your new life here in town?

EDWARD

The friends I've made.

TV HOST

Any other questions?

WOMAN 2

Have you ever thought of having corrective surgery or prosthetics? I know a doctor that might be able to help you.

EDWARD

I'd like to meet him.

TV HOST

We'll give that name after the show. Thank you very much. That's very nice. Anyone else? Yes, stand right up.

WOMAN 3

But if you had regular hands you'd be like everyone else.

EDWARD

Yes, I know.

TV HOST

I think he'd like that.

WOMAN 4

Then no one would think you're special. You wouldn't be on TV or anything.

PEG

No matter what, Edward will always special.

TV HOST

More questions? Stand right up.

WOMAN 5

Your work is so interesting distinctive and unique. Do you have plans to open your own beauty salon?

TV HOST

There's an idea. Anyone else? Yeah.

WOMAN 6

Do you have a girl friend? Ahh. (Living room in Peg's)

JIM

Sure, he does. Right, Kim?

KIM

Now you got him started.

JIM

Knock it off, bubble- butt.

KEVIN

You did it.

JIM

So? (On the TV Show)

TV HOST

How about it? Is there some special lady in your life?

TV HOST

Uh, everything's all right. He'll take a break and we'll be right back after these messages.

KIM

Why are you laughing? He got hurt.

JIM

It was a little shock. Ha! Ha! Ha!

KIM

A little shock?

JIM

I wish we'd been taping that. I'd give my left nut to see that again. (Edward in beauty salon)

JOYCE

Aren't you excited? Oh, this is just so thrilling. Wait till I show it to you. It's just perfect. It's just what we've been looking for. I want to call it "Shear Heaven." Here we are. No, all along here I'm going to put a row of new mirrors. Back up here a whole row of new cosmetics.

(TV 1/4)

All along this row here.

EDWARD

Peg could sell cosmetics.

JOYCE

Sure. This is where I stand when I greet the customers. Back in here is what I really want to show you. This is the storeroom for supplies. What I need from you today is to help me make a decision. Don't, that's dangerous. You just sit down right there. I have some smocks. Would you like me to model them? This is my favorite because it's yellow. And what it's for is to catch itchy little trimming that fall down your neck. Then there's this old purple one, you know, you kind of drape around you like this.

EDWARD

I like that one.

JOYCE

You're trembling. So am I. I've been waiting for this moment for so long. Edward! Edward, you come back here! You can't do that! (In the Restaurant)

BILL

Veloro. Veloro. Sweetheart. That hangs on the dash board.

PEG

I've never seen that.

EDWARD

Sorry I'm late.

PEG

Hi, Edward. Sorry. We had to go ahead without you. Here you go.

BILL

So, Edward, did you have a productive day?

EDWARD

Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon is going to be. You could have a cosmetic counter.

PEG

Wouldn't that be great?

BILL

Great.

EDWARD

And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.

BILL

Edward. I can't tell you how thrilled I am. I'm just as pleased as Punch. This whole beauty parlor, that's what's going to teach you volumes. There's nothing like running your own business. I've never done it myself, but from what I gather it's the greatest satisfaction a working man can have. So I guess the bank is going to be your next step, huh?

EDWARD

The bank?

BILL

Yeah, take out a loan. Get yourself started. Nothing to worry about. With your talent and reputation, it's going to be a snap. Now.

BANK CLERK

No credit, no record of jobs you've held, no savings, no personal investment, no social security number. You may as well not even exist. There is no collateral.

PEG

You know. We already have a second on the house, but don't the testimonials make a difference? Did you see here, the mayor's wife can't wait to become a client?

BANK CLERK

We simply can't do it. Now get yourself a social security card. Establish credit and buy yourself a car. You have the side to advantage. You can get one of those handicapped placards. No problem. Park anywhere you like.

PEG

I can't believe it. Really, it's just an outrage. Don't you worry. This isn't the end of it. We'll get your money somewhere.

KIM

But that's breaking and entering.

JIM

Look. My parents have insurance up the rear. Okay? And all it will cost them is a little hassle. That's about it. In a week my dad will have new and better everything.

KIM

We can't.

JIM

Look. There's a guy who will give us cash for the stuff.

KIM

Jim, I don't want to.

JIM

Well, do you want to ride around in a van like Denny's, and we could be by ourselves whenever we like? With a mattress in the back?

KIM

Why can't you just do it?

JIM

Because my father keeps the damn room locked, and we need Edward to get us in.

KIM

Why can't you take the key like when he's sleeping or something?

JIM

Look, you don't understand, everything he handcuffs or ties will do anything for you.

KIM

What do you mean? That's not true.

JIM

Oh, no? Why don't you ask him?

KIM

That's not fair.

JIM

What's fair got to do with it? There isn't any other way.

KIM

There got to be.

JIM

Look. I've racked my brain. Don't you want us to have our own van?

KIM

Yeah. Jim, the lights are on.

JIM

Those go on automatically. They've gone for the weekend. I told you. That's right.

DENNY

This burglar scared.

KIM

You turned off the alarm. Am I right?

JIM

Yes, everything, come on. Let's go. Come on.

KIM

I can't believe this is happening.

A GIRL

Are you sure he doesn't know this is Jim's house?

KIM

He's never been here.

EDWARD

This person stole from you?

JIM

Keep your voice down. I told you he stole it. Right? Come on. Let's go.

EDWARD

His parents will make him give it back.

JIM

Listen, I've already tried that. The guy's parents are like he is. Okay? Now, you told Kim you'd do this. Well, come on. Let's go. Come on. Come on. Come on.

(Edward picks the lock and the door opens, but when he steps into the room the alarm works and the door shuts.)

JIM

The bastard had it wired separately. Come on.

KIM

No, Jim. We can't just leave him here.

POLICEMAN

We know you're in there.

OFFICER ALLEN

We're in the process of deactivating the system so that you can come out.

KIM

Denny, turn around!

JIM

No way!

KIM

Jim, it's your house. They can't arrest you for setting off your own alarm. We'll just tell them we were breaking in.

JIM

I'm not going back there. Okay?

KIM

We have to go back.

JIM

No, because my father will prosecute.

KIM

His own son?

JIM

Especially his own son. If Edward tells, I'll kill him.

KIM

Denny, turn around.

JIM

No.

KIM

Turn around. We have to.

OFFICER ALLEN

Put your hands high in the air so we can see them. Put your hands up!

POLICEMAN

(to Allen) He's got something in his hands. Looks like knives.

OFFICER ALLEN

Drop your weapon I repeat. Drop your weapon. I'll ask you one more time and this is your last warning. Drop your weapon. If you fail to do so, we'll have to open fire. Don't make us do that, please. Drop your weapons. Drop them. Now. Looks like we got a psycho. Prepare to fire.

(Neighbors gather and ask not to fire.)

A WOMAN

Please. We know him.

OFFICER ALLEN

Alright, cuff him. (At police station)

PEG

But can we see him now?

POLICEMAN

We'll have to hold him overnight for observation.

PEG

He has to stay in prison all night?

POLICEMAN

Pick him up in the morning. (criminal investigation section in police station)

PEG

Oh, Edward. Hello Edward, dear. I blame myself.

BILL

(to Edward) What in god's name was going through your mind, son?

PEG

Why don't I set a better example? You saw how I envied Jim's parents, their money.

BILL

What were you going to do with that stuff?

PEG

Oh, I blithely say, "We'll get money for the salon somehow." But I never meant stealing. Stealing's not the way to get it. Stealing's not the way to get anything.

BILL

Except trouble. And you're in a heap of that.

PEG

Why ever did you do this?

OFFICER ALLEN

Will he be okay, Doc?

PSYCHOLOGIST

The years in spent isolation have not equipped him with the tools necessary to judge right from wrong. He's had no context. He's been completely without guidance. Furthermore his work, the garden sculptures, hair styles, and so forth. Indicate that he's a highly imaginative.

OFFICER ALLEN

Character.

PSYCHOLOGIST

It seems clear that his awareness of what we call reality is radically underdeveloped.

OFFICER ALLEN

But will he be all right out there?

PSYCHOLOGIST

Oh, yeah. He'll be fine.

OFFICER ALLEN

(to Edward) Listen. It could keep me up all night worrying about you. Watch yourself. (roadside)

MARGIE

I heard this noise and ran out in my bathrobe.

JOYCE

All along I felt in my gut. There was something wrong with him.

MARGIE

It could have been my house.

HELEN

It could have been any of our houses.

ESMERALDA

I warned you, didn't I? I saw the sign of satan on him. You didn't heed my warning. but now you will because now you see it too. (Reporters approach Edward and Peg.)

PEG

Edward. You stay here.

REPORTER

What do you say in your defense?

EDWARD

Nothing.

PEG

He didn't want to talk.

REPORTER

You have to say something.

PEG

He can't talk right now.

REPORTER

No comments? No remarks?

REPORTER

(to Edward) So were you set up? What was going through your mind? One comment.

PEG

We have to get in the house. We don't want to talk to you. We'll talk to you later.

REPORTER

One comment.

PEG

Well, for goodness sakes, Lois, I'll see you at our Christmas party. Before I get you here for your haircut. Of course, we'll have it this year. Why wouldn't we have it this year? Well, you may think that, but you're wrong.

KIM

You're here. They didn't hurt you, did they? Were you scared? I tried to make Jim go back, but you can't make Jim do anything. Thank you for not telling them about me.

EDWARD

You are welcome.

KIM

It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was.

EDWARD

I know it was Jim's house.

KIM

You did?

EDWARD

Yes.

KIM

Well, then why did you do it?

EDWARD

Because you asked me to. (Jim called out for Kim.)

KIM

Don't.

JIM

What's the matter with you? When you are going to stop? I did what I could. My old man think he's retarded, otherwise he'd still be in jail. What more do you want from me?

KIM

You could tell the truth.

JIM

So could do. You were there, too.

KIM

It wasn't my idea. You know I didn't want to do it.

JIM

But you did do it. I don't get why you give such a shit anyway.

BILL

Well, we are going to try to help you find a way to replace the drapes and the towels, but our confidence in you, Edward, is not going to be so easy to replace.

KIM

Dad!

BILL

Okay, a little ethics. You are walking down the street. You find a suitcase full of money. There's nobody around. No human person is in evidence. What do you do? A You keep the money. B You use it to buy gifts for your friends and your loved ones. C You give it to the poor. D You turn it into the police.

KIM

That is really stupid.

PEG

Kim!

KEVIN

I keep the money.

PEG

Simmer down.

BILL

Edward?

KIM

Hey, how about after dinner we go down to the bowling alley? That will be fun.

PEG

You are not seeing Jim tonight?

KIM

No.

KEVIN

You know we had a cool show-and-tell today. This kid brought in a box of baby possums, 10. maybe 12. Totally naked. No hair at all.

PEG

Honey, this is fascinating. but I don't think your father's finished yet.

BILL

Thank you, dear. Edward, we are waiting.

EDWARD

Give it to my loved ones?

PEG

Oh, Edward, it does seem that that's what you should do, bit it's not.

KEVIN

You dope, everybody knows he's supposed to give it to the police.

BILL

Good thinking, Kevin.

KIM

Well, think about it, you guys, I mean, that's the nicer thing to do. That's what I would do.

BILL

We're trying to make things easier for him, so let's cut the comedy for a little while.

KIM

I am being serious. It's a nicer thing to do.

BILL

We're not talking nice. We're talking right and wrong.

KIM

Shut up.

PEG

Oh, goodness sake, no wonder poor Edward can't learn right from wrong living in his family. (Margie and women on the phone.)

WOMAN 1

Did you hear what he did to Peg's curtains?

MARGIE

It is unbelievable that they're having their Christmas party anyway. Are you going?

WOMAN 1

Oh, I don't think so.

MARGIE

He practically raped Joyce, you know threatening her with those knives? It's a miracle she escaped.

HELEN

I don't have anything against Bill and Peg, but...

JOYCE

I know, I know. They've got that teenage daughter in the house. Oh, those poor things after what happened to me can you imagine?

HELEN

What do you say to Peg about the Christmas party?

MARGIE

I said I hoped. We'd make it.

HELEN

I lied, too. (Peg's living room)

PEG

Edward, do you want to give me that new haircut?

EDWARD

Again?

PEG

yes, sure.

PEG

It makes me proud to have you as my own personal hairdresser.

KEVIN

Hi, honey. honey.

EDWARD

Kevin, you want to play scissors-paper-stone?

KEVIN

No.

EDWARD

No, why?

KEVIN

It's boring. I'm tired of always winning.

PEG

Other people's feelings?

KEVIN

I'll be outside.

PEG

A few manners? Just never you mind. Just you cut away. Cut away. It needs something else. What do you think, honey?

KIM

More bells?

PEG

More bells. Okay.

KIM

Mom, do you really think that we should be having this party?

PEG

Of course I think we should be having this party. Of course I do. I mean as just what we need is just to calm things down and then everything will just go back to normal. Do you have any more bells, honey?

(Kim goes out into the garden and sees Edward sculpture an ice mass. When he sculptures it, snowflakes begin to fall, and Kim dances in the snow. After he finishes it, he cuts her hand by accident. Then Jim shows up.)

JIM

Get the hell out of here. Get the hell out! Go. Freak!

BILL

Edward, where are you going?

KIM

Where is he?

JIM

He tried to hurt you.

KIM

No, he did not and you know it.

JIM

Are you nuts? I just saw him.

KIM

Jim. I don't love you any more. I just want you to go. Okay? Just go!

JIM

Are you serious? I'm going to lose you to that? He isn't even human.

KIM

Just get out of here. Okay? Just go! Dad, did you see where Edward went?

BILL

Well. I don't know. He just walked down the street.

KIM

Well, we have to go find him, mom?

PEG

You...your father will find him this minute.

BILL

All in the house. I'll take care of it. I'll go find him.

HELEN

Edward! I'm calling the police!

PEG

All that blood, sweetie, and it's just a little cut. (doorbell chimes.)

POLICE

Hello, I'm here to see the man with the hands.

PEG

Oh... Uh...

POLICE

He's not here. Thank you.

PEG

Oh, dear.

MARGIE

Helen, did you actually see him?

HELEN

Yes, look.

ESMERALDA

You see, I told you he was a demon.

MARGIE

Oh, don't start that stuff again.

POLICE

I'm looking for the man with scissors.

WOMEN

He went that way. You have to do something about that.

POLICE

All right, calm down, go on home. We'll handle. Just go home.

HELEN

He's a de... a demon.

WOMEN

You've got to do something! All right, Let's see. If he's at our house come on, oh...

PEG

I'm sure your father will find him soon.

KIM

What time is it?

PEG

It's almost eight thirty. Great party, huh?

KIM

Where are they? God. I hope he's okay!

PEG

So do I, honey. You know, when I brought Edward down here to live with us, I really didn't think things through. And I didn't think about what could happen to him, or to us, or to the neighborhood. You know, I think that maybe it might be best if he goes back up there. Because at least there he's safe, and we'd just go back to normal.

BILL

Now I got up by the Wiggmans, but I didn't see him anywhere.

PEG

Oh, dear. Oh, just... Well, let's get in the car and go look for him.

BILL

Where's Kevin now?

PEG

He's Max'es.

BILL

Where do you think you're going, young lady?

KIM

With you guys.

BILL

No, you're staying here in case somebody shows up!

PEG

We'll be right back, dear.

EDWARD

Police! (On seeing a police car Edward goes back to Peg's)

KIM

Edward?

EDWARD

Are you okay?

KIM

Yes, are you okay?

EDWARD

Where's everybody?

KIM

Out looking for you. Hold me.

EDWARD

I can't. (Kim holds Edward and Edward reflects about the inventor.)

INVENTOR

I know it's a little early for Christmas, Edward, but I have a present for you. (Kevin comes out of his friend's house.) (Jim talks with his friend.)

JIM

Forget holding her hand. Picture the damage he could do other places.

JIM'S FRIEND

Yeah, that's sick. I feel like I'm coming to pass out, or puke or something.

JIM

Later, first take me to her house.

JIM'S FRIEND

Come on, don't make me drive.

JIM

Just do it!

JIM'S FRIEND

Jesus, maybe she was right about you.

JIM

Just drive.

JIM'S FRIEND

Relax.

KEVIN

See you tomorrow. Call me, Right?

A MAN

Have they caught him yet?

KEVIN

Who?

A MAN

Him, that cripple. Let me know when they do. Let us all you know, okay? Like a good boy. (The car driven by Denny comes close to run over Kevin. Edward who sees it saves Kevin but many people mistakenly think that Edward tries to kill Kevin. Kim tells Edward to run, and he runs away. People follow him to the castle.)

EDWARD

Oh! Are you ok? oh! owh!

KEVIN

Help! Edward help!

EDWARD

I'm your friend.

KEVIN

Stop! Don't! Stop! Get away, now! Somebody help us! Help!

PEOPLE 1

What are you doing? Get away!

PEOPLE 2

Get the police!

PEOPLE 3

Somebody call the police! Hey

KIM

Let go of me! Why? Kevin!

PEG AND BILL

Kevin! Kevin! Edward! Get away. What happened? Edward! Go home! Go home!

PEOPLE

Somebody call the police! Aah!

KIM

Jim, stop it. Get off him! (Siren)

KIM

Run.

PEG

Kevin's all right! It was just the tiniest scratch! He's gone! Let's not bother him, all right? Let just leave him alone! (Gunshots)

POLICE

Go on, run.

PEOPLE

What happened? Did you get him? Ok, Is he dead?

POLICE

It's all over, go on home. There's nothing more to see. What happened out there? It's all over!

PEOPLE

I want some answers. Where is he?

PEOPLE

Get back here! I want to ask you something. Do you see him? Wait! I want to ask you... He's in that car. Look at that.

JOYCE

I don't believe it. They don't have him. I'm going! No! That's not a good idea!

EDWARD

They are coming? Did I hurt Kevin?

KIM

No, he's okay. He said he was just scared. Edward, I was so afraid. I thought you were dead.

JIM

I didn't. (Jim fires at Edward and Kim tries to stop him. In their fight, Edward kills Jim, and then says good-by to Kim.)

KIM

Jim. Stop! Stop it, or I'll kill you myself.

JIM

Hey! I said stay away from her! (Neighbor's voice)

EDWARD

Goodbye!

KIM

I love you.

A MAN

Is he in there?

KIM

He's dead. The roof caved in on him. They killed each other. You can see for yourselves. (She raises a pair of scissors.)

OLD KIM

She never saw him again. Not after that night.

GRANDDAUGHTER

How do you know?

OLD KIM

Because I was there.

GRANDDAUGHTER

You could have gone up there. You still could go.

OLD KIM

No, sweetheart. I'm an old woman now. I would rather want him remember me the way as I was.

GRANDDAUGHTER

How do you know he's still alive.

OLD KIM

I don't know. Not for sure. But I believe he is. You see, before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards it did. If he weren't up there now, I don't think it would be snowing. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it.


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