In an exchange amongst friends online in March 2001, here are how things transpired:


CountryMouse:

I think Teddy wants me to tell you [all] about some of the amazing things he has been through.

Teddy is my knitted Mr. Bean teddy bear. He's dark brown, has googly white eyes, and is cute and rambunctious. :-)

When he hadn't been here very long, he fell over the pillows/back through the headboard of the bed (it's wrought iron, not a solid headboard). He stayed there on the (dusty) floor overnight. I guess he thought it was funny hiding out like that and having an adventure. However, I retrieved him the next day, gave him a good vacuuming, and also a trim with a "sweater shaver" (trims off the "pills" that happen on knitted materials). While I was doing this, I noticed a tiny little worm-y thing under one of his arms. Ewwwwww.

Okay, that did it. I put Teddy in a pillowcase and sent him through the washer, then the dryer. To be sure he was really dry all the way through, I let him, uh, rest on a cookie rack. Of course, HE tells it as if I stretched him on the RACK! Talk! Information! We want information! etc. :-P

But I still wasn't feeling that I had done everything possible to make him "safe" to put back on his, uh, the bed. A friend online who also collects lots of stuffed animals told me that putting him in the freezer for a couple weeks would kill ANYthing (and any eggs too) that might be inside him. So I put Teddy in a big Ziploc bag and popped him in the freezer.

NOTE TO SELF: Be sure to put pic of Teddy in the freezer on fuzzy peoples' pages in (eventual) new section of website.

Of course, after he came out of cryogenic suspension, he needed to thaw out...ON THE RACK (again?!). I think I have a pic of him there too. :-D

And he has had to go through the washer and dryer one other time also, later on. I forget why. But that's when his back seam came undone and his stuffing started spilling out! So I did some quick surgery then, and he was good as new. Well, pretty much. :-P

Teddy's legs tend to look a little "bunchy" and malformed these days. I think it's from all the trampolining he does. :-P As I said somewhere else, he's a very acrobatic bear. :-)

PoopooGooroo:

Surely in this land of "everyone has rights except white middle-class males" there is an expensive government agency whose purpose is to protect bears. So watch it, buster, 'cos when I find it, I'm reporting you.

CountryMouse:

I think this is the place you are looking for: Teddy Bear Protection League [edit July 2006: It's no longer there! Ack!]. But...but...I can explain, officer! And...I think Cat'r would vouch for me. Also Cat'r is possibly closer to Teddy than *I* am, so he could get the real scoop, finding out what is Teddy's tendency for telling colourful stories and what is actually the truth in what I have had to do. ::sob::

Cat'r:

Well, anyone who would suspect any wrong-doing on the Mouse's part has obviously never met our Teddy.

Actually, I think the truth is somewhere in between all of these versions of the story. You see, Teddy is -- by nature -- an adventurous and courageous individual. When found on the floor under the bed, he had actually been investigating rumors that the fabled Dust Bunny had appeared there. Since there is practically no documentation on the fearsome Bunny -- for few have gotten near to it and lived, and those who have are cursed to have their hair stand on end for the rest of their lives, and fear giving out other information and incurring the Bunny's further wrath -- our intrepid Bear naturally set out to see what he could discover about this intriguing beast.

Unfortunately, before he could track the beast, he was spotted by a certain rodent we all know well, and spirited off for a good shaving. Doubly unfortunately, and unbeknownst to anyone involved, he had succumbed to one of the parasitic infestations so common in Southern climes. When this unfortunate circumstance was discovered, he fully agreed with the doctor's recommendation of rest at a facility equipped with both a natural whirlpool and a sauna. He entered fully into the adventurous spirit of the thing, and still claims that he wishes to return to the whirlpool to investigate a certain unusually large Fish he spotted while he was spending time therapeutically submerged. (I fear our dear Bear, though, has a quite mistaken idea of how large and populous the whirlpool actually was. On his schemed-for return visit, the less said of which the better, he did not spot any Fish or any other living thing there.)

The Arctic incident is a similar misunderstanding; Teddy undertook a philanthropic mission to the frozen Northland wastes to investigate rumours of giant snow peas that had been seen in the vicinity, peas of both unusual size and rumored therapeutic powers. While there, his guides and sled dogs deserted him, and he was forced to hibernate in his all-weather protective tent until a rescue team happened to find him several months later. He came through the incident with no major injury.

And lastly, the rack: he has as much as admitted to me, in private of course, that it is merely a comfortable frame for rest and reflective recuperation, nothing more. However, it does sound more thrilling when one refers to it in a slightly darker fashion at the end of a suspense-filled story, does it not?

I hope that this clears everything up.

All text used by permission of R.N. Dominick, Bruce Humphrey, and CountryMouse (of course!) and copyright by same 2001-2008 | All graphics by CountryMouse (the buttons, bars, and background were all made from scans of Teddy's little knitted body!)